There are a couple of reasons why I'm hoping KFYI lip-flapper and former Congressman J.D. Hayworth makes a run for governor or senator or somethin' in 2010. The first is that I have a series of "subliminal" columns that I plan to run soon after he announces. The first one starts off something like this:
"It came as no surprise that J.D. Hayworth announced his candidacy for Governor today. Jack Abramoff. The former Republican Congressman made the declaration on his radio show. Indian gaming. This means he'll be taking on Gov. Jan Brewer in the primary. $225,000 in donations. Hayworth is a far-right moonhowler. Hired his wife. Brewer is a moderate. T.E.A.M. PAC. And statewide elections tend to favor moderates. Abramoff skyboxes. But don't you count Hayworth out. Choctaw Indians. If anyone can take on Brewer inside the party, it's a hard-liner like J.D. Gastric bypass. Just you wait. Speech lessons..."
Why, I may donate to the hick hot-air peddler just so I can use this shtick. Please, J.D., purty-please? I've got pages to fill, man!
My second reason is sort of a corollary to the first, and if the Dems are smart (which they tend not to be in this state), they'll be on it like cheap cologne on a Hollywood hustler. I'm talking about mining J.D.'s radio podcast archives for the hayseed's exploitable stupidities, of which there's a bonanza that rivals the Comstock Lode.
In these excerpts from his daily show J.D. crudely panders to the prejudices and general insanity of his audience. Sometimes he makes fun of Hispanics by over-approximating a Spanish accent when pronouncing Hispanic names. (Very clever, J.D.) Other times, he mocks nearly every pol and public figure who's done him wrong, or with whom he doesn't agree ideologically. And then there's encouraging wack-job conspiracy theories, like those of the "birthers." You know, the trepanned Interweb addicts who think President Obama's birth certificate's a phony, and that Obama, at best, is a naturalized citizen, and thus, unqualified to be the Prez per the Constitution. At worst, they figure he's an illegal alien.
Heck, for all the proof there is of this conspiracy, you might as well sign President Obama up as one of David Icke's Lizard People Who Run the World. The great Barack Obama birth cert "hoax" has been thoroughly debunked by Web sites such as Snopes.com and the St. Petersburg Times' PolitiFact.com. The scribes at FactCheck.org actually inspected a valid Obama b.c. with the raised seal and the stamp on the back, posted numerous photos of it online, ran down a birth announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser, and generally did more work than any living being would want to do investigating this bit of nonsense.
Responding to the mass psychosis for a second time, Hawaii Health Director Dr. Chiyome Fukino recently stated that (sigh), once again:
"I ... have seen the original vital records maintained on file by the Hawaii State Department of Health verifying Barack Hussein Obama was born in Hawaii and is a natural-born American citizen...I have nothing further to add to this statement or my original statement issued in October 2008 over eight months ago."
Will that shut up Hayworth, who some folks say sounds like Foghorn Leghorn, but who I say sounds like Mushmouth from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids? Likely, not. Looking back in his podcast archives, I count at least eight times he's made the issue part of his show since October of last year. The most recent broadcast of J.D. Hayworth's Flat Earth Society took place on July 15.
The first noted in the archives was back on October 24, 2008, when Hayworth played audio clips of Philadelphia attorney Phil Berg, who once was challenging Obama's status to be President by appealing to the U.S. Supreme Court to intervene. To date, they have not. But Berg says on his Web site Obamacrimes.com that he hasn't given up. And he needs donations, lots of donations, to pay for legal fees, or pro-birther signs, or something.
Berg is (was?) also a well-known leader of the 9/11 Truth movement. Them's the peeps that believe 9/11 was an inside job, the Twin Towers were brought down by a controlled demolition, and that the Bush administration or some other nefarious entity (anyone but Islamic extremists, natch) concocted the conspiracy to bring on the Iraq War, the Patriot Act, and the New World Order.
Does Hayworth sign on to that poppycock? Dunno, never heard him discuss it. But he was treating Berg's comments with seriousness back in October.
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Of course, I want J.D. to keep making a doofus of himself on the radio. (Not like the guy can help it.) But should he secretly wish to veer away from the being the right-wing Art Bell of Sand Land, he might wanna check out what the real conservatives have to say at National Review online, where the editors have recently posted a devastaing editorial directed at the birthers and their fellow travelers.
I here quote part of it, and of course, heartily concur:
"If the conspiracy theorists have evidence that President Obama went through the naturalization process, let them show it. But there is no such evidence, because this theory is based on unreality, as two minutes' examining the claims of its proponents reveals. The hallmark of a conspiracy theory is that a lack of evidence for the theory is taken as yet more evidence for the theory. Indeed, the maddening thing about dealing with conspiracy hobbyists of this or any sort is the ever-shifting nature of their argument and their alleged evidence: Never mind the birth certificate, his step-grandmother said he was born in Kenya! (No, she didn't.)"
Bravo, NR. The ghost of Bill Buckley salutes you. Now if you could just send some of that flouridated water down to J.D. care of KFYI, I'm sure we'll have the old boy mind-controlled and ready for a pod next to his bed in no time. Cheerio. And remember, God Bless the John Birch Society, the North American Union, Dick Cheney and Wackenhut...