Nancy Grace smooches Joe Arpaio's bum on air, while Arpaio salivates for Paris Hilton
Will someone pull the dirty ol' Sheriff away from Paris? For Christ's sake...
I can barely stand to watch CNN news-harpy Nancy Grace as the bizzatch almost always looks like she's about to bite the head off someone's baby. But as I was flippin' channels the other night, I saw Grace doing yet another hard-hitting piece on socialite/porn princess Paris Hilton's legal troubles.And there on the boob tube with her was Sheriff Bozo himself, Joe Arpaio, offering to take Hilton off the hands of the L.A.County Sheriff's Dept. so she could serve the full 45 days of her sentence on a probation violation, instead of the 20-something she'll do when her "good behavior" time is factored into the equation. Seems Arpaio wants to make the female side of his Tent City into a regular ShawSKANK Redemption.
Of course, this is yet another lame publicity stunt aimed at garnering pub for the loony lawman, like deputizing Spider-Man, which he did recently, or his retarded "Inmate Idle" competition, which some dumbass at our sister paper in L.A. wrote up as if it were a boon to mankind. It's all bread and circuses to get the alter kocker's mug on camera and make people forget about his abuses of power, the people who die in his custody, and the multi-million dollar awards that Maricopa County has to shell out whenever the MCSO loses a lawsuit. This Paris Hilton thing though is especially obvious and patently idiotic. Of course, Arpaio has absolutely NOTHING to do with this situation, which involves a violation of Paris' parole for drinking and driving in L.A. County. Joe deserves to be mocked just for floating the imbecilic idea. But instead he ends up nabbing beaucoup pub, with the stupid fucks in the Fourth Estate falling for it, like they seem to do almost every time.
Grace, for instance, took Arpaio completely seriously, and Arpaio stated he was just trying to "help another sheriff." But when he was interviewed by the PHX's Channel 3 News regarding his buffoonish "offer" of assistance to L.A., he was more straightforward as to his intentions.
"I'd love to have her in here," enthused Joe, practically salivating at the prospect. "It's just another celebrity. Not that I'm a publicity hound. But I imagine if I had her here in these tents, there'd be paparazzi here from all over the world seeing how she could survive it."
Sounds like Arpaio wants to spend a night in Paris himself, or at least have her serve on the chain gang in his back yard. (But hey, who wouldn't?)
As an aside, another annoying thing about the Grace show: the roll call they did of people killed by drunk drivers, with pics of the victims. Last time I checked, Hilton didn't kill anyone. She blew .08 when she was first popped back in 2006, and she violated her parole by driving with a suspended license this past February. Sorry, but .08 is nothing, no matter what the law states. New Times scribe Bruce Rushton pointed this out in his 2004 piece "How to drink and drive and get away with it," in which he cites "three academic studies" that have shown .08 drivers are "less dangerous than someone who talks on a cell phone while driving." So Grace's hysteria over drunk driving fatalities is as cynical as leading her show with Paris Hilton, or rolling out Nickel Bag Joe to reiterate his moronic pitch to make Paris his bitch.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.