From Dave Weigel of The Washington Independent: Watch Franks touch his tonsils with his big toe for the camera while kinda-sorta disavowing birtherism...
Allow me to be the first to call on Congressman Trent Franks of Arizona to prove his U.S. citizenship -- and citizenship in the human race -- by presenting his original, long-form birth certificate, in triplicate, complete with some infant tootsie prints, and any blood samples extant from a cousin thrice removed, verified with DNA tests and Carbon 14 dating.
Otherwise, Franks could be a changeling, an alien mutant from the planet Uranus, or just plain ol' adopted from some nice couple in the Urals. He's even been rumored to be Robert Mitchum's secret half-brother, birthed on one of the Galapagos Islands, while Mitchum's father was at sea. But, hey, the long form could disprove all that. So let's see it, Congressman. What are you hiding?
Could some alternate birth origin be the reason Franks acts so dang un-American in the above video: i.e., questioning the motives of our Commander in Chief, suggesting that our duly-elected President -- the Leader of the Free World -- is acting counter to the interests of these United States? I wouldn't dare call it treason. No, no. Rather, I'd just call it gross stupidity, crossed with being a congenital right-wing wacko.
And then, there's this Franksian quote:
"Probably, Barack Obama could solve this problem and make the birthers, you know, back off, by simply showing us his long-form birth certificate. That'd solve the problem. There's some other issue, I don't know what it is, that he doesn't want people to see the birth certificate on."
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Back in days of yore, we'd bar an idgit like this from the gene pool. Or any other pool, for that matter. (Fungus, you know.) But now that World Nut Daily thinks Franks is the coolest thing since Silvio Berlusconi learned to spout racial humor, folks in Arizona's 2nd Congressional District are proud to have him as one of their own.
Plus what better way to prove once and for all to the federal government that there's something wrong with the municipal drinking water in Kingman? (Maybe fluoridation, if we're to believe the John Birchers still kickin'?) Unconfirmed scuttlebutt is, Franks has lead-lined jugs of local H20 specially flown in to D.C. to aid in his own personal hygiene.
Alas, poor Trent...take some advice from the greatest of all Republicans, Honest Abe Lincoln, who was supposed to have said something about not opening your trap and removing all doubt of your abolute chumposity...Which you continue to do, over and over.