Attention, earthlings: Space oddities are on a collision course with the terrestrial venue known as the Paper Heart, 750 Grand Avenue, and will invade on Thursday, December 16. Don't swallow your government-apportioned cyanide pills just yet, as we've determined these non-hostile aliens will take the form of two local rock bands known as the Space Tourists and Dorks in Space. The former is led by the life form known as Harry Crump, who's observed mankind for 51 years, and incorporated this surveillance into noisy alternative rock songs about everything from basketball to working at Trader Joe's. Dorks in Space -- who would reveal only their code names -- have taken a more academic approach in their invasion of Earth. Bassist Black Susan has assumed the identity of a Ph.D. student in physics; drummer Q has taken over a graduate student in astronomy; and guitarist Stash Kovac serves as an electrical engineer. Their mission: "rock 'n' roll." The countdown starts at 8 p.m., and admission is $5. Call 602-262-2020 or see www.thepaperheart.com. --Benjamin Leatherman
We'll Drink to That
Free music? We'll dance, too
Phoenix rapper Kenosis and R&B maestro Bobkatt step to the mic on Friday, December 17, at O'Mallys, 3544 West Glendale Avenue in Phoenix, for the slammin' pre-release party for their upcoming 15-track CD So Beautiful, on Topp Notch Records (scheduled to drop January 14). Expect Kenosis to perform the party single "Drinks on Me." The show features appearances by MC Chilee Powder, rap group Woodpile, and R&B stylists Heat. DJ Mark Mello will spin Top 40 hip-hop and R&B. Drink specials include $3 Hennys, $3 Alizés, and $55 bottles of Moet. Everyone through the door gets a free CD of the single. Call 602-589-1780. -- Stephen Lemons
It's got a good beat; you can laugh at it
Mark Eddie really wanted to be a rock star, but now he just makes fun of 'em. The guitar player turned standup comic will hit the stage at the Tempe Improv, 930 East University, from Thursday, December 16, through Sunday, December 19. Eddie says he's all about music and doesn't hesitate to jam during any show -- comedy or otherwise. He's opened for some national acts (Melissa Etheridge and Toad the Wet Sprocket), but for the past five years he's been goofing on some of the greats. He'll spoof anyone from Elvis to Dave Matthews and Shaggy, but he does it out of love. (Or is it jealousy?) And even though he's not a rock star, he can party like one. "I dig what I do," he says. "I'm having a ball." To catch a preview of Eddie's act, visit www.markeddie.com, or to buy tickets to the show, $15 to $17, call 480-921-9877. -- C. Murphy Hebert
SRBB blows off the holidays
If you think "euphonium" is a new designer drug popular with the techno crowd, it might be time for some "old school" sounds -- and we mean old -- with the Salt River Brass Band. Check out its "Home for the Holidays" concert at the Chandler Center for the Arts, 250 North Arizona Avenue, on Sunday, December 19. Featuring soprano Melissa Spevacek, the 27-piece horn and percussion band will play holiday chestnuts ranging from "The Christmas Song" to "Winter Wonderland." However, the show's star may well be the euphonium. For those not up on their brass, it's a "more assertive version of the baritone horn," according to the group's Web site. Experience the euphonium's, uh, euphoria for yourself by seeing the award-winning band in action. Tickets are $12 for the 3 p.m. concert. See www.saltriverbrass.com or call 480-782-2680. -- Douglas Towne
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Dance Motion salutes animatronics past
Christmastime window shopping is always a hoot, especially when the mannequins come to life and start doing pirouettes. On Friday, December 17, and Saturday, December 18, the Dance Motion Performing Company presents The Windows of Christmas ballet at Pinnacle High School, 3535 East Mayo Boulevard. The ballet celebrates the old seasonal window displays at department stores, where large figurines move through different holiday scenes. The Dance Motion Performing Company -- a nonprofit youth arts organization with dancers ranging from ages 7 through 19 -- brings four windows to life: "Winter Greetings" (with a snowman character); "Ave Maria"; "Land of Sweets" (which includes pieces from The Nutcracker); and "Magical Christmas" (featuring the most graceful elves ever to strap on tutus). Continuing its tradition of charity, DMPC will hold a canned food drive at the performances. Friday's showtime is 7:30 p.m., and Saturday's show begins at 2 p.m. Tickets cost $10 for adults and $8 for students and seniors. Call 602-971-9170. -- Niki D'Andrea