You've probably met those condescending old farts who always say crap like, "I was doing this before you were born." Wouldn't it be great to say, "Yeah, well, I was doing this before I was born, too"? Ferret out your former incarnations on Thursday, July 21, when Glendale Library presents "Past Life Regressions," another free installment of the library's popular "Unexplained" lecture series. Certified hypnotherapist Dee Dykstra will discuss the idea of reincarnation, the process of regression (you are getting very sleepy . . . ), and why your karma might run over your dogma. Find your former selves at 7 p.m. at Glendale Public Library, 5959 West Brown Street in Glendale. Call 623-930-3537.
You can't always get what you want, and sometimes, you get just the thing that you didn't want. For example, in the theatrical farce No Sex Please, We're British, a young bride spies some Scandinavian glassware in a catalogue that would be perfect for her prim tea-and-crumpet parties. So she orders the set in the mail, and a few days later, a deluge of pornography arrives. As more and more dirty magazines, books and films fill their mailbox, the bride and her husband must find a way to get rid of all the naughty bits -- before the postman starts delivering naked women. On Friday, July 22, Fountain Hills Community Theater, 11445 North Saguaro Boulevard in Fountain Hills, presents its version of this romp that ran for eight years in London. Tickets for the 8 p.m. show cost $11 to $15. Call 480-837-9661 or visit www.fountainhillstheater.com.
The Phoenix Chapter of the West Memphis Three Support Group believes the "West Memphis Three" -- the trio of Arkansas teenagers convicted of killing three 8-year-old boys in 1993 -- were condemned by their "satanic panic." As interesting a visual as that might provide, a bigger picture will be up on screen at the Paper Heart, 750 Grand Avenue, during the West Memphis Three Benefit Show on Saturday, July 23. In addition to screenings of the two HBO documentaries chronicling the case, Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills and Paradise Lost 2: Revelations, there will be live music from Fatigo, Brodie Hubbard, and Mark Lanus, plus poetry readings by Matthew Frank, Eva Valencia, and Patrice Ruane, and a Buddhist prayer ceremony. Two community art pieces will be created and sold that night, with proceeds from the all-ages event benefiting the West Memphis Three legal defense fund. Doors open at 7 p.m., and admission costs $10. Call 602-262-2020 or visit www.thepaperheart.com.
If you don't recognize Michael Winslow's name, you might recognize his most famous movie line: "Gizmo ca ca!" Winslow provided the voice of the evil Stripe in Gremlins, and delivers the line right after Stripe chucks Gizmo down the laundry chute. But Winslow doesn't just do voices, he does noises, most notably as Sergeant Larvell Jones in the Police Academy movies, but also as the mini-satellites that hunted Ah-nold Schwarzenegger's character in Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Winslow, who performs Sunday, July 24, at the Tempe Improv, 930 East University Drive in Tempe, also has comic classics like Spaceballs, Cheech and Chong's Nice Dreams, and Back to the Future Part III on his résumé. Hear the talents of "Dr. Noizey, the authentic animator of sound," at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $17. Call 480-921-9877 or visit www.tempeimprov.com.
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Never underestimate the power of good studio musicians. When the suits at Capitol Records told Americana artist Shannon McNally she should use Alanis Morissette's band to record her latest album, Geronimo (released this year on Back Porch Records), she picked her own litter of players instead, nabbing a stellar studio support group that included keyboardist Ian McLagan (The Faces, the Rolling Stones), drummer Raymond Weber (Harry Connick Jr., Fats Domino), bass players Tony Garnier (Bob Dylan) and Tony Hall (Dave Matthews, Emmylou Harris), and guitarist Charlie Sexton, who also produced McNally's album. The result is a 14-track CD of languid love songs, brazen blues, folk and roots rock, which McNally collectively dubs "North American Ghost Music." She'll give up the ghost on Monday, July 25, when she plays a show at the Rhythm Room, 1019 East Indian School Road. Doors open at 7 p.m. Tickets cost $12. Call 602-265-4842 or visit www.shannonmcnally.com.
Believe it or not, Ted Nugent is a big softy. The loincloth-wearin', meat-eatin', pro-gun Detroit rocker may manage to piss people off with his right-wing rants, but the truth is, the Nuge has never done drugs, he visits military hospitals to play for troops who have been wounded in the Middle East, and he founded "Kamp for Kids," a two-week hunting camp that offers children ages 9 through 15 "the Great Outdoors and hunting as positive alternatives to the use of drugs and alcohol." But this doesn't mean that Nugent will wear overalls and sing "Kumbaya" when he plays at the Arizona Beach Club (formerly Club Rio) on Tuesday, July 26. After all, this is still the guy who penned such macho metal anthems as "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang," "Cat Scratch Fever," and "Yank Me, Crank Me." And when Nugent opened for Lynyrd Skynyrd at Celebrity Theatre in 2000, he was wearing tight, zebra-striped jeans with an ass-seam so shredded he had safety pins lined down the butt crack of his pants. Rock on. Arizona Beach Club is located at 430 North Scottsdale Road in Tempe. Shurman opens the show at 7:30 p.m. Tickets cost $30. Call 480-446-3100.
Speaking of Ted Nugent, the Motor City Madman once donated a mounted boar's head to Alice Cooper'stown, 101 East Jackson Street, which adorned the wall next to Cooper's platinum records. The boar's head isn't hanging anymore, but there will be plenty of other rock artifacts to look at during Cooper'stown's weekly Canadian Club Poker Tournament, which takes place at 7 p.m. every Wednesday through August 24. With free seats at the poker table, drink samples and giveaways, and a chance to win a trip to Las Vegas, what have you got to lose? Call 602-253-7337 or visit www.alicecooperstown.com.