When it comes to well-known foods from around the country, Chicago has its hot dog, Philadelphia its cheesesteak, and Indiana its "Hoosier Pie" (Hoosier Pie?) -- what does Arizona have? Nothing. Not a damn thing. At least not officially. And what happens when you have nothing? Someone gives you something. And the something doesn't even have to be very good because you had nothing anyway. And sometimes the something is just flippin' disgusting and weird, and if you dare to say that the new something is disgusting and weird, people get angry and say, "Hey, where was your idea? Huh? At least this is something. Now shut up and eat your egg soaked in boy pee." And you do. And you can't help but cry a little because this something is terrible, and maybe nothing was better after all, but it's too late to do anything about it now.
Now c'mon, Arizona, let's pick a fucking state food.
Okay, so eggs soaked in boy pee aren't in Arizona yet, but they are in Dongyang, China, and have been a popular snack there for centuries. (Congrats on consuming urine for hundreds of years!) Known as "virgin boy eggs," they are made with the urine of primary-school boys preferably under the age of 10, which means turning 11 in Dongyang qualifies you to play LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It" at full volume when rollin' by the ladies.
Of course, the idea of eating eggs soaked with the urine of little boys might seem a little crazy at first, but surely the community of Dongyang knows what it's doing and Chinese medical experts consider eating eggs soaked in boy pee perfectly okay -- right?
Right?
If you believe what a street vendor trying to make a living selling eggs covered in boy pee will tell you -- and who wouldn't? -- the eggs (which are soaked in boy urine, then boiled in boy urine, then de-shelled and simmered in more boy urine, and covered with fresh urine throughout the day to keep them from overheating) have health properties like increased energy, better blood circulation, and resistance to heat stroke.
Someone seems to be buying it. A virgin boy egg gets 24 cents at the market, more than twice the price of a urine-free egg.
But Chinese medical experts aren't so sure about the the benefits of eggs soaked in boy pee (Whhhaaaaatttt?) despite the local government listing them as an "intangible cultural heritage" (beautiful) and warning people about the sanitary issues surrounding cooking with a liquid by-product of the body secreted by the kidneys -- piss.
Creepier still is that the boy urine used in the popular street snack is collected in buckets from primary school toilets -- after school hours -- and not just by vendors. Sometimes it's just folks who want to enjoy the pleasure of working with eggs and virgin boy pee in the privacy of their own homes.
Suddenly the chimichanga as Arizona's official state food doesn't sound so bad, after all.
