20 Songs to Play in a Quiet Office to Annoy Your Coworkers

20 Songs to Play in a Quiet Office to Annoy Your CoworkersEXPAND
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If you’ve ever worked in an office where workers can play music lightly at their desks, there has been a time when you’ve looked over at a nearby coworker and thought: If you play that Shaggy album one more time, two minutes from now I’m going to be standing over your corpse, holding a bloody staple-remover. But sheer violence isn’t the only way to get your revenge. You too can annoy your coworkers with just a simple playlist. The trick is to keep it subtle. You can’t just start blasting Rammstein/ 2 Live Crew mash-ups at maximum volume. Somebody will justifiably complain to your boss quicker than you can say “Du hast deez nuts.” You need office-appropriate music that seems gentle and harmless, yet subtly inflicts unbearable pain upon those around you. If you need some help picking out songs, here’s a little guide to get you started.

20. LFO — “Summer Girls” One of the most cringe-inducing songs of all time, it’s hard to find any work of art in the history of mankind that did more to pander to teenage girls. The stupefying lyrics contain more ’80s references than a full season of Family Guy, and the guys in the band sound wimpier than Belle and Sebastian as guests on Sesame Street. You may have to put earplugs in while you play this one, because it may be to much for you to take.

19. Harry Belafonte — “The Banana Boat Song” It’s really just those opening seconds that can truly get on someone’s nerves. Just imagine, you’re busy, stressed out, and having an all around grumpy, miserable day, and suddenly, out of the silence, you hear “DAAAAAYO!” Then more silence. Maybe it was just something you imag—“DAAAAAAYO! Me say DAAAAAAAYO!” And, best of all, the song actually is about working hard all day.

18. KT Tunstall — “Suddenly I See” This tune may cause some of your fellow workers to have acid flashbacks to the Lilith Fair. It was actually used as the opening song for The Devil Wears Prada, which you could play in its entirety as a substitute for this list.

17. Chumbawamba –- "Tubthumping" Chumbawamba is not from Australia, but if they were, you could say it’s too bad their song didn’t make like a boomerang and return to where it came from. But you can say that this song is the soundtrack to what people without friends think it feels like to be popular. A common misconception about “Tubthumping” is that it’s a drinking song, although hearing it may drive you to drink heavily.

16. Better Than Ezra -– “Good” This is the kind of feel-good nonsense you used to hear on TV before The OC came along and turned every show into promotional vehicles for indie bands. Did Better Than Ezra ever play The Peach Pit on 90210? Because it isn’t hard to picture David Silver and Donna smiling like idiots, awkwardly dancing along to this. It’s just so happy and doofy and full of that fake triumphant, “I DID IT!” vibe. Painful indeed.

15. New Radicals -– “You Get What You Give” Is anyone 100 percent positive that the New Radicals are not also Better Than Ezra? Have you ever seen them in the same room together?

14. All holiday songs, but mainly, Paul McCartney — “Wonderful Christmastime” Holiday songs can get really irritating to most people, and Sir Paul’s "Christmastime" is especially grating. It’s so twinkly and corny, even for a Christmas song. Even Santa hates it.

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13. Edwin McCain — “I’ll Be” This song is the musical equivalent of a Precious Moments figurine. It’s just drenched in overwhelming pap and nauseating fake emotion. It’s the song American Idol dreams of creating for one of its “winners.”

12. Scatman John — “Scatman (Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop)” Well, we all know what Scatman is capable of. Listening to his gibberish is like having the worst leprechaun ever sitting on your shoulder. The really evil thing about this tune is that it’s just catchy enough to embed itself in your head for the next hour after just one chorus. If someone tells you to turn this song off, you can play the guilt card on them by saying that the Scatman died after a long fight with lung cancer (true story), and you play his song every day to give you inspiration.

11. REM – “Shiny Happy People” Remember when you were in school and there were those kids who really seemed to enjoy learning and studying? The kids who would run up to the front of the classroom just for an opportunity to erase the blackboard? The kids who would complain in that “Aw, gee whiz, gosh darn it” way because they got a 97 on the test and if they just got that one last question right they would have got a 100? That’s what this song is.



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