4 Songs by Phoenix Musicians That Describe Last Night's DirecTV Super Fan Fest

Rain washed away the stages at the DirecTV Super Fan Fest last night.
Rain washed away the stages at the DirecTV Super Fan Fest last night.
Jeff Moses

There was nothing remotely positive about DirecTV Super Fan Fest last night. Nothing. In my ever so humble opinion literally, LITERALLY, every single thing about DirecTV's event is either insulting, stupid, overpriced or bad, and it made me feel like I needed to apologize to Bonnaroo and Coachella for blasting them so hard last week.

My experience with the fest was very similar to my colleague Amanda Savage's, except she could afford more beer than I and actually found a way to have a good time.

I didn't have the same issues with having to park a car in the mud. But it was a 20-minute hike from the stage to the car. So we can call that one a wash. But being surrounded by all that and canned decadence just made me feel dirty.

But rather than rehash a very similar story with a bit of a harsher critique I thought I would express my feelings through song. And as somewhat of a local music fanatic, I thought maybe I would express my feelings through local tracks. So I present the five local songs that express my feelings about my experience at the DirecTV Super Fan Fest.

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"Nothing Is as Fun" - Field Tripp, Less Is Mormon As the chorus to the song goes, "Nothing is as fun as it used to be." I used to love going to festivals> Bonnaroo changed my life. McDowell Mountain Music Festival has been the event that has kicked off my summer the last three years running, but Super Fan Fest Killed it for me. VIP "chalets" with giant advertisements right up in my face, a horrible collection of mediocre talent, and a washed up Snoop Dogg not singing most of the lyrics to his songs because he either doesn't remember them or no longer has the wind for a 55-minute set makes for a pretty bad festival. But I'm sure DirecTV cleaned up on the $100 tickets. One more nail in the coffin for music festivals.

"Take a Number" - Songs Lacking Talent, Namaste The Fuck Away From Me On the way into "festival grounds," the general admission line was about half an hour long, while VIPs could just walk right into the venue. The line attendants would intermittently walk through and ask if anyone had VIP tickets and then escort them to the front of the line. One of the attendants kept saying, "VIP's to the left, and General Admission to the right. It's all about repetition, so if you're a VIP what do you do? And if you're GA what do you do?" in a sort of jokingly stern radio announcer tone. It kind of reminded me of something out of George Orwell's 1984. But then we got in and essentially lined back up to watch a bunch of bands that are regularly playing in car commercials and T.V. shows, and then it really started to remind me of Orwell's masterpiece. But it also reminded of this little ditty by Songs Lacking talent, with a chorus of "Take a number, and get in line -- with all mankind."

"What Have We Done?" - The Haymarket Squares ft. Lauren Farrah (Vocals) and Lauren Jacobson (Violin), Dancing In The Streets

Fest experience. The title of the song "What Have We Done?" is just so perfect. What have we done to music? What have we done to football? What have we done to Phoenix? Like Lauren Farrah sing in the song, "the land was once a virgin and now it's just a cheap whore."

"Fuck White People" - Andrew Jackson Jihad, Candy Cigarettes and Cap Guns Like Andrew Jackson Jihad, when I say "fuck white people" I mean white as a political category and not as a skin color. Honestly you can take any of these songs and apply it to how I feel about the Super Bowl altogether.

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