9 Totally Crazy Pieces of Band Merch
If someone is a hardcore fan of a band or artist, it seems he will shell out any amount of money to get his hands on their merch.
I'm not just talking shirts or albums, either, and bands have been answering that call by offering up some truly ridiculous shit to satisfy the needs of their fans to have something unique and sometimes just plain weird to prove their insane fandom.
Here are some of the best (slash worst?) examples of absurd band merchandise available to the public, with links in case you're so inclined to purchase them (Warning: the last picture is definitely NSFW).
9. Insane Clown Posse Watch: This all started when I saw a post on Craigslist for an ICP timepiece. What time is it? Time to paint my face. How about now? Time to pick up my Juggalo friends for the show. Now? Time to contemplate fucking magnets and how they work. The ad says it's "daily water resistant," but there's no confirmation that it's Faygo resistant.
8. Bob Marley "One Love" Incense Sticks: Merchandiser Liquid Blue invites fans to "enjoy the scents and vivid imagery of this iconic musician." Also, they hope you like jammin', too. I haven't experienced their harmonic vibrations personally, but my guess is that they smell like a Trustafarian's freshman dorm room.
7. Weird Al Trading Cards: Things one will never hear: "I'll trade you this Sammy Sosa rookie card for your Fat cover art card..." Nonetheless, these cards, which come in packs of 10 or 50 have information about the recordings, "Al Facts," and pictures of the world famous parodist in his most infamous getups. They are, however, limited edition, so get 'em while you can. There are some on eBay for $50. Seriously.
6. Metallica Pillowcase: When the sandman comes, Lars Ulrich will protect you. You don't need to sleep with one eye open, but you will need to grip this pillow tight. It would be much more appropriate if it were actually an "Enter Sandman" pillowcase, but this should still suffice for true fans. And if you're still pissed about the whole Napster thing, pull a Shawn Fanning and borrow the pillowcase from a friend.
5. Tenacious D Condom: What appears to be a matchbook with a picture of a Pegasus giving a unicorn the business actually holds what The D calls a "Cream Dream Catcher," a clever, if somewhat disgusting, euphemism for a condom. Tenacious D doesn't want you to procreate, it's safe to say. Sure, the $5 price tag is a bit steep but that's a lot cheaper than paying for a kid to go to college, so suit up before you fuck her gently.
4. Owl City Footie Pajamas: Since this guy pretty blatantly ripped off The Postal Service's music, it would seem appropriate that he would just sell their merchandise with the name crossed out and "Owl City" written over it in Sharpie. But, so far, the one unique thing Owl City has done is offer fans a pair of footie pajamas. You know, if it's your goal to never get laid. Ever.
3. Justin Bieber Shower Curtain: If you've Googled "Justin Bieber showering" (it's actually a Google auto-fill option) you may have stumbled upon this particular gem. Since he's 16 and that's illegal, this is the closest you'll ever come to having the little tyke watch you shower without getting prison time. Among the caveats: the thing is $64.95, so it's clearly only for the Justin Bieber uber-fan with Miley Cyrus' allowance.
2. Kiss Kasket: Are you a, ahem, die hard Kiss fan? Scratch that. How about, "will you go to your grave a Kiss fan?" Yeah, that's better. Puns aside, there is actually a Kiss burial casket for fans who want to be entombed in their merch. As of 2008, it is no longer available, but it was just too good to leave off this list. When it was available, it went for $4,500 unsigned and $5,000 signed by the band. It was also waterproof, so it could be used as a Kiss Kooler until the ultimate fan shuffles loose this mortal coil.
1. Rammstein Sex Kit: We all know sex sells, and I just learned that Rammstein translates roughly to "battering ram." Put the two together, and what do you get? Six dildos, handcuffs, and lube, brought to you by everyone's favorite German industrial metal band. Oh yeah, the deluxe edition of their CD, Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da, also comes with it. It's not available on Amazon's US site, but you can order it from their UK site, for roughly $300 USD. Thankfully, there are none available used. Fucking Rammstein...
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