Arpaio Validates "Birthers" Fears; Inspires Us to Look at Other Famous Forgeries

He's not saying you're guilty, he's just saying you did it.
He's not saying you're guilty, he's just saying you did it.
Anthony Sandoval

Amid his own investigation by the feds, Sheriff Joe Arpaio held a press conference yesterday afternoon to discuss the preliminary findings of his "cold-case posse" that suggests President Barack Obama's birth certificate is in fact a forgery.

Arpaio and lead investigator of the volunteer posse Mike Zullo say that the document provided by the president to stamp out "Birther" doubts, "has failed every test we have put it to."

Inspired by our sheriff's diligence in solving this pressing matter, we at Up on the Sun decided to conduct our own investigation into some of music's more famous forgeries.

Given the severity of the offenses and the impact they have had on the music community, our investigations were 100 percent funded by taxpayers. (Thank you.)

Culprit: Nicki Minaj Exhibit A: Saturday Night Live Performance Using the latest in digital camera technology we isolated specific moments throughout the video and found that Nicki's lips don't always match the words she's "singing."

Culprit: 50 Cent Exhibit A: BET Music Awards Speculation has surrounded this performance as 50 started singing the intro, then suddenly went mum, skipping an entire verse. Our slow motion replays have found that this too was also an attempt to fool the public.

Culprit: Britney Spears Exhibit A: Pretty much every "live" performance It took state-of-the-art audio analyzers to determine whether or not Spears is actually singing while she's flinging all that hair about. Further tests are still pending but it doesn't look good for the former princess of pop.

Culprit: Ashlee Simpson Exhibit A: Saturday Night Live Performance Although we exhausted our vast taxpayer-funded resources we could not find a full clip of this debacle. Luckily Simpson admitted that her band started playing the wrong song, verifying our suspicions.

Culprit: Milli Vanilli Exhibit A: MTV Live Performance Not only were Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus lip-syncing offenders, their voices were not on the record that won them a Grammy.

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