Ask Magic: My Girl's Hung Up On Her Ex; Should I End It?
Lost in love? Your relationship too weird for Ann Landers to understand? Trying to discover what comes next in your life or your music? Bring your problems to Ask Magic, your chance to ask Arizona's reigning slow-jam king for advice on whatever life throws at you. (Click here to ask MC Magic a question of your own.)
First of all, thanks for following me on Twitter, it means a lot. Okay: What should I do if I like one of my exes, even though we've been on and off a lot, and he's always talking to lots of other girls and lying?
We break up and then he always ends up texting me and telling me how much he loves me, and how I'm his first love, and how he misses me. What should I do? After he tells me all these things he always ends up talking and flirting with other girls. Help me, Magic!
Over and Over in Omaha
Dear Over and Over,
There's a saying that goes, "People will only get away with what you allow them to." That's exactly what came to mind when I read your question.
Of course there are always exceptions, and that's is why we must offer a few scenarios. You say that he always returns to talking and flirting with other girls.
Sometimes people say that if you keep your man well-fed he won't go looking for crumbs elsewhere, so if you really want to tame his hunger don't be afraid to really take control of your man--what I'm saying is that guys, for the most part, are pretty simple creatures, and if you can keep them satisfied that's the first step toward the perfect relationship.
When a relationship is new there's always frequent texting, silly notes, and naughty little things that keep it exciting. After a while, some of those things might slow down. At that point, some people start looking for that same excitement outside the relationship.
If you're serious about keeping your man, I suggest you keep the excitement turned way up! Otherwise your on-and-off thing may become a routine that never ends, and he'll only come back to you because he knows how to get his way when he's in need of some affection.
Respectfully, MC Magic
My girl dated this other guy for a year-and-a-half. He treated her like shit, and he abused her, but she still loves him. I treat her way better than he did. But she still cries about him, says she's confused. I don't want to deal with this shit.
What do I do, keep trying to treat her right, or just let her go and find a better girl?
Next Guy in Missouri
Dear Next Guy,
Your situation is a lot more common than you might think.
It reminds me of this girl I know who has kids with her husband, a great provider who works in the service. When he's away she gets bored and finds herself a side piece to have fun with--this girl gets guys easily, and almost mesmerizes them to the point where they babysit her two kids while she is out with yet another side piece.
Her husband found out and divorced her. But even divorced, she has some special power over him, and gets whatever she wants from him. I feel bad for this guy, because she treats him horribly but he can't let go of her.
Your girl may be the same way about her ex, and she's just not seeing that she has a good thing directly in front of her. If i was in your place I would bail out, because everyone deserves someone who will make them their 100 percent priority; that's the only way the relationship will bloom to something greater.
Remember that everything happens for a reason, and there might be someone out there who can complete your world. People have told me that I'm wrong when i recite this saying, but it's true -- "Nobody wants to drive an old beat-up car; we all want a shiny fresh nice ride we can drive with pride." That is what you need -- a fresh new ride, and some pride!
Good Luck Bro! MC Magic
My boyfriend and I've talked about having kids since day one. But it's been a long time, and we've been trying and trying, and nothing. I feel so bad. I've already told him there's a low chance I can have kids without help, and ever since that day we've just been having bad days.
He tells me that's not the reason we're having bad days, but I know it is. I love him so much -- I waited four years for him to build up the courage to tell me how he feels, and I'm not ready to give up. What should I do?
Discouraged in San Diego
Girls typically want kids a lot more than guys do, so you might want to think about whether he's telling you the truth -- if you're having a rough time, it might be really for other reasons like he says.
You mention you've given him four years to come clean. Sometimes, when we have personal insecurities, we let them take over our world, and even imagine things that aren't really happening. If you've already been told by a doctor that having kids is not likely for you, then try to accept that fact and work around it.
Adoption is a great option that helps less fortunate kids and could very well help complete your little family. Talking openly with him about the situation will help you decide if he's willing to stay together and try other ways of having the family you both want. Trust your gut feeling, and always keep a positive attitude.
My faith is so strong that even when things don't go as I hoped originally, I just accept it and try other paths towards reaching my goals and aspirations. You can do the same thing, and I'm sure you will.
Best wishes to you! MC Magic
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