Everybody loves chili with beans--sure thing! And everybody loves legendary country supergroup Alabama--I know you're all with me on that! But what if you wanna combine your love of both in some kind of symbiotic power coupling? Sure, you could heat up a can of Hormel and throw on your copy of American Pride, but--if you're like me--there's still something missing. Something real, something to hang on to, something like an endorsement deal.

Cheer up, y'all! The four boys who named their band after the 22nd state have thrown their considerable marketing weight behind the newly available "Country Hits" line of delicious entrees. And what a stable of flavor: Red Beans and Smoked Sausage (95 percent fat-free, and tenor Randy's fave!), Ham & Chicken Jambalaya, Chicken and Dumplings (a "home-made feast for two," right out of a can!), Vegetable Beef Soup (with "fresh unpeeled potatoes . . . just like grandma's"), and the Babe Ruth of stews, good ol' Beef. And that meat in there is way lean.

Lemme tell you this: Forget about those gross vegetarian entrees that whiny ex-pat Linda McCartney is pushing (hell, she lives with a guy from northern England who probably sneaks kidney pie and blood pudding any chance he gets). Country Hits are all-American, just like Alabama, which is more than just a legendary country supergroup, but actually a state! Now that's what I call good eating.

Go See: Local blues gods the Hoodoo Kings are having a CD-release party at the Rhythm Room on May 5 and 6 at 9 p.m. The new disc is One Foot in the Groove (not to be confused with local geriatric punk gods One Foot in the Grave). Watch these pages for an in-depth review. Call 265-4842.

What could be more fun than downing a few cans of Country Hits and running full tilt over to a Psychobilly Rumble? This six-band extravaganza of fetid, swollen love music should not be missed. Dig Curse of the Pink Hearse, Del Vamps, Johnny Balls and the Vibro Thunder Balls, Pork Torta, Al Foul and the Shakes, and Brakeman at Nile Theater on Friday. It's all-ages, so show up and get educated, kids. Call 649-2766.

Soul Grind will host its own little CD-release shindig for Love at Zero on May 5 at Boston's. Also on the bill will be Trunk Federation and Jesus Chrysler. Call 833-8499.

Enjoy caffeine and acoustic pop with Vicky Keating, who comes to the Coffee Palette on Friday. Vicky hails from the nation's capital, which is Washington, D.C., where she goes over big. Think Nanci Griffith with lyrics by Shawn Colvin in a very Austin sort of way. Okay? Call 204-0090.

It Crawled From the Bins: Simply way too stupendous not to be shared with the vast Screed/Bins audience is The Sound of Sounds, unearthed from the treasure trove of lost classics that is Gracie's Thrift in Mesa (and while you're there, check out those specials on ladies' jeans. Connoisseurs will appreciate the authentic flower and ecology sign appliqus).

TSOS is easily the greatest sound-effects record ever made; possibly the greatest record ever made. Much better than any tedious rock album, that's for sure. Some of you out there may be thinking that I am, as they say, full of shit, but then you've never been taken on a Dynamic Hi-Fi Directional Sound Stereo tour that stops at such delicious aural ports of call as "Speed Boats in Race, Passing Under Bridge," "Sports Cars on Curve, With Crash," or the Rockwellian "Steam, Electric, Diesel Passing Country Crossing."

And that's just side one.
There's really no way to describe the kicky, visceral charge of "Hogs Being Slaughtered." You can even hear a farm hand jealously yell, "He's gonna kill 'em all himself!" just prior to some cursed hog's terrifying squeal of death. This is the real thing--no studio re-creations for the exacting makers of TSOS. I could go on about the transcendent moments in "Jungle Scene" or "Magical Mechanical Orchestra," but I wouldn't have space to include liner notes that are nothing short of sheer poetry, penned by one Bob Freeman:

Play "The Tide at Malibu With Seagulls," Bob commands. The mingled warmths of the sun and sand revitalize your body and relax your mind, and you own a world in which there are no conflicts. Your world is warm and happy, peopled by peace-loving souls dressed in colorful funwear . . .

Some of the sounds on this record may remind you of times and places you have actually experienced. Others may be completely new and unfamiliar. A few may cause you to dream of things that you never quite got around to doing.

Let me just slip into my colorful funwear. Now where exactly is that slaughterhouse?--


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