I Fell Asleep During Lenny Kravitz
I’ve been to a lot of concerts in my life. I actually kept count in 2013, when I attended 126 shows. In all the concerts I've seen, I never once have fallen asleep. Until Wednesday night's Lenny Kravitz concert at Comerica Theatre. I dozed for awhile at Bonnaroo 2011 during G. Love and Special Sauce’s early afternoon set. But that was more of a wistful afternoon festival nap than totally zonking out because what's happening onstage is mind-numbingly boring.
That’s not to say Kravitz was bad, per se. His music was just so underwhelming that even played extremely well in a great-sounding room it literally was a snoozer — and not just for me. A friend I went with zonked for a bit, too, and so did one of the two other people in our almost entirely empty row. To us sleepers, the music was the plainest bar rock ever made.
Okay, that’s unfair. Foo Fighters' music obviously is the plainest bar rock of all time. But, seriously, nothing about the songs that Lenny Kravitz plays is engaging. Dude has an 11-piece band, and he put at least three people to sleep at his show!
However, just because the music isn’t particularly substantial does not mean I do not get why the man is an international icon. The only prettier man on Earth than him is Prince. I’m writing this as a straight cisgender male: I would consider a romp in the sack with Lenny, and I also feel safe in admitting a large part of why I chose to review the show was my hoping that he was going to do a second Lizard King impression.
Dude is 51 years old and he looks younger than I did at 17. He’s honestly so goddamn pretty that I am perfectly okay with the fact that the only reason he plays venues as big as Comerica Theatre is because he looks like he was chiseled out of stone. The man gave me feelings that I haven’t had since my girlfriend left me three weeks ago.
I don't feel equipped to talk in depth about his music because I find it to be so uninteresting that "in depth" would be about as deep as a Dixie cup. The guy uses the word “love” a lot, his on-stage moves and his look somewhat resemble those of his high school classmate Slash, and his band sounds like a bunch of seasoned pros. Past that, I know what the rest of the country knows about him: He’s good-looking and well-endowed.
I don’t know what Lenny’s current single is (if he even has one). I know he closed with “Fly Away” before an encore of “Are You Gonna Go My Way,” two songs that helped launched his career throughout the ’90s. Otherwise, it just seemed like the same song about love and freedom and other super-basic, agreeable concepts played over and over.
One cool thing he did was take one of the longest walks out into the crowd that I have ever seen. He walked all the way up the stairs to the sound booth and even engaged with the people he could reach in the higher level.
But otherwise, the reason bar rock is bar rock is because it is mostly listened to in bars while people drink and chat with their friends while ignoring the music. That is the best use of Lenny Kravitz's music.
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