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Joel McHale at Celebrity Theater

By P.J. Standlee

Joel McHale is the ridiculous, scathing, and audacious joker among the equally ridiculous and licentious celebrity royalty that populate our most beloved and idiotic TV programs. And it’s obvious to everyone who saw McHale on Friday night at the Celebrity Theatre that McHale is not only good at sharpshooting hapless celebrities, we love to watch him do it.

“We love to make fun of celebrities on The Soup,” McHale said about his chatty and gossipy rundown of celebrity obnoxiousness.

“Sometimes we might take it too far. Some people are actually really mad at me,” McHale joked while the crowd cheered him on.

“Tyra Banks reeeeaally doesn’t like me.” According to McHale, Banks is the only celebrity who has tried to stop his program. It all started when McHale slammed Banks for not being able to follow up on her idea to become a stripper for a day.

“It was her turn to go on stage and do her big stripper-pole dance. She’s back there and she grabs the curtain, and she’s ready to go out when tears start rolling down her face. She can’t do it and runs away crying.

“And then I say, God forbid Tyra Banks go onstage, barely clothed, and make money. And then we show some Victoria's Secret footage where she’s onstage, barely clothed, and making money. That’s when the letters started coming in.” Oh, and apparently Banks is deathly afraid of dolphins.

Other celebrities that won’t have McHale on their Christmas list are Hugh Hefner, the “84-year-old ball of leather that gets kicked around by three blondes,” and Paula Abdul, who, McHale noted “wasn’t invited to sing at the last Super Bowl for fear that she might snort the 50-yard line.”

Paradoxically, while McHale slams the intelligence and morals of celebrities on his show, The Soup, sparing no one, not even Oprah’s “va-jay-jay,” he is in a way also furthering the cause of horrible television by celebrating their stupidity and thus attracting more viewers.

When he asked one lady in the audience why women and not men tend to watch The Girls Next Door, a cancerous show that follows the days and lives of three Playmates, she responded, “Because they make me feel smart.”

“Wow,” McHale said while pausing, “That’s actually a really good answer.”

McHale went on in graphic detail about why being a Playmate really isn’t a great idea.

However, celebrity TV aside, McHale might see the writing on the wall, especially if he keeps referring to the all-powerful Ryan Seacrest as a bumbling hobbit, and he wisely mixed in some non-television related material.

McHale was equally funny when talking about his three-year-old “half retarded half genius” son, Eddy.

When McHale asks if Eddy wants to meet his new neighbors, his son mysteriously states that he’s already met them.

“‘Really, Eddy? What are their names?’” said McHale as he launches into his joke.

“‘Pasta and Wheat-Wheat,’” his son replies.

“‘Really? Where do they work, Eddy?’”

“‘Behind the airport.’”

“’What do they do behind the airport?’”

“‘They push the button.’”

“‘Are you on acid?’”


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