In America, the naughty list folks have it pretty easy. Our parents warned us about coal in our stockings (though recent memes suggest something even worse), but our Christmas threats were mostly harmless, and never, regardless of awful behavior, seemed to materialize.
Then there's Krampus, a long tongued, cloven-hooved, furry demon, popular throughout Europe, pal of Santa Clause, armed with birch branches to spank kids, and a sack on his back to drag them off to hell. Did I mention this guy is Santa's friend? Makes you want to think twice about allowing the jolly old fat guy to squeeze down your chimney, no?
Krampus represents the dark side of Christmas, a pre-Christian pagan symbol that got enlisted in the fight against bad kids long ago. But there's no getting around it: With his horns, devilish looks, and chains and bells, Krampus is pretty metal. Here are six Christmas tunes that Krampus might have on his iPod.
Krampus, "Tears of Stone"
Italian folk-metal band Krampus shares a name with our favorite Christmas bad guy, and has a sound that could equally appeal to Ren Faire dorks and metal malcontents. Huzzah!
King Diamond, "No Presents For Christmas"
Proof that metal doesn't always take itself too serious. Just look at that record sleeve.
Tourniquet, "Perfect Night For A Hanging" set to A Charlie Brown Christmas
Everyone knows that A Charlie Brown Christmas is the best Christmas special out there, but it was pretty lacking in the metal department. Thanks to YouTube, this oversight can finally be corrected.
Erlosun, "12 Days of Christmas"
Can someone still be scary and metal when singing about partridges in pear trees? No. Actually they can't.
Paul Di'Anno, "Another Rock and Roll Christmas"
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Wait -- was that line "presents hanging from the tree?" Who does that?
Slayer Christmas Lights Display
What are the holidays for other than spending way too much time doing things like this so 2,253,939 people can watch on YouTube?