If you're single, Valentine's Day kinda sucks.
You'll likely spend this weekend sitting on your ass, alternating bouts of drinking with visits to online porn sites, while your friends and their respective S.O.'s dine, drink, and dance, all in the name of romance.
Then again, if you're in a relationship, Valentine's Day still kinda sucks.
It's practically mandatory to spend scads of money on snookums, leaving your bank account empty as a result.
It doesn't have to be that way, however, as you can utilize our list of 10 different low-cost events during Valentine's Weekend to avoid either fate.
Blunt Club at Yucca Tap (Thursday):
Richie Rich (a.k.a. Daddy Rich) from legendary hip-hop throwbacks 3rd Base will headline this week's edition of the Blunt Club, which will spotlight raps and rhymes from the '80s. Resident DJs Pickster One, Element, and Darrell D. will also spin. 9 p.m., free. (29 W. Southern Ave., Tempe)
Splash Thursdays at Bar Smith (Thursdays):
Local legend DJ Dark Vader and DJ Phlava from 101.5 Jamz kick off their new night at downtown hot spot Bar Smith, which will feature reggae and dancehall tracks downstairs and plenty of Top 40 and house music hits on the second floor. 9 p.m., free before 11. (130 E. Washington St.)
The Venomous Pinks, & The Pübes at Ice House Tavern (Friday):
Girl power will be in full effect as two of the Valley's all-chick punk bands take over this eastside dive and provide and evening of music and mayhem. 9 p.m., $4. (3855 E. Thomas Rd.)
WTFunk? at Stray Cat (Friday):
Local hip-hop heroes Span Phly and Random celebrate the release of their Spy vs. Spy Vol. 2 EP will an evening of rap theatrics. The night will also offer performances from Phallic and Floyd White, Magnanamous, medafORACLE, and Bandcoach, as well as WTFunk's resident DJs. 9 p.m., free. (2433 E. University Dr., Tempe)
The Prince vs. Michael Jackson Experience at the Clubhouse (Friday):
"San Francisco's DJ Dave Paul and the PHX's DJ Akshen will mix and match all manner of remixes, classic tracks, and songs from either Prince or Michael Jackson (as well as cuts by such ancillary acts as Sheila E., The Jackson 5, and Morris Day and the Time) during the 18-and-over event..." (read more) 8 p.m., $8-$10. (1320 E. Broadway Rd., Tempe)
Pre-Valentine's Rock & Metal at Goat Head Saloon (Friday):
Need a place to take your paramour for Valentine's Day? If they happen to be metalheads, consider checking out this outrageous affair that will feature music from No Regret, Twisted Theorem, Hell Defined, and Rez of War. Why? Because nothing says "I love you, darling" more than engaging in an edible panties eating contest and then watching a band called Scattered Guts perform. 8 p.m., $5. (1423 S. Country Club Dr., Mesa)
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Play Your Hand Valentine's Bash at Afterlife (Saturday):
But if you're heart longs for new adventures this weekend, after-hours party pen Afterlife is offering a unique way to make a love connection. The first 52 guys and 52 girls will each be dealt a single playing card and can hunt down the member of the opposite sex that is their particular match. The first four couples who find a match and make their way to the DJ booth will nab a free Valentine's Day dinner at such restaurants as Grimaldi's or Stingray. Dance music and other giveaways are also planned. 10 p.m., $10-$15. (4282 N. Drinkwater Blvd., Scottsdale)
Obscura's Die Cupid Die Party at Rips (Saturday):
Then again, if you're down on all this Valentine's Day falderal, the best place for you might be this month's edition of Obscura. Instead of spending some hard-earned cash on a significant other, you can pop for $5 flavored vodka drinks and Jäger shots (which might help ease the pain). Meanwhile, DJ Roya and DJ Funkfinger will be spinning indie rock and dance tracks while handing out tickets for the upcoming Pete Yorn, Civil Twilight, and Sebadoh concerts. 9 p.m., $5. (3045 N. 16th St.)
Conrad Tao at Desert Hills Presbyterian Church (Sunday):
The works of Chopin, Beethoven, Stravinsky, and other classical music maestros will be performed by this 16-year-old piano prodigy. 3 p.m., $5 for students. (34605 N. Tom Darlington, Scottsdale)
Matthew Reveles + Fancy Cloud at The Rogue (Sunday):
One of the Valley's better bands is making a return to the stage after a 10-month absence as Matthew Reveles brings back his indie folk act for a special performance at the Rogue. A number of other Americana-style ensembles are also scheduled, including The Liar's Handshake, Adam Lee Cogswell, and California's Old Man Markley. 8 p.m., $5. (423 N. Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale)