Leave it up to American armed forces to steal all of Miley's thunder. Selfish bastards.
Luckily, I somehow managed to secure an interview with Toby Keith in the very, very short time he's been back on American soil. Let's just say he's very pleased with the recent course of events.
Up on the Sun: When you heard the news, what was your initial reaction?
Toby Keith: Well, I was proud. My father served in the Army and lost his right defending our country. He has since passed, but he flew a flag in our yard until the day that he died. He wanted his family to grow up in a land that was free.
UOTS: You've been rather outspoken about your hatred for the Taliban and other terrorist organizations. I take it you see Bin Laden's death more than justified?
TK: Well, I believe Al Qaeda attacked New York city because they thought they could win -- it was a mighty sucker punch coming from somewhere in the back. However, we dropped our own bombs all over their holy lands, forcing them to run like little rabbits. They provoked us, and we just now got back at them. Yes, I think Bin Laden had it coming -- he was, after all, at the top of Uncle Sam's list.
UOTS: What was your biggest impression of all the soliders you've met in recent years in your many travels to the various military bases abroad?
TK: Well, these are just hard-working men and women -- just trying to raise a family and be a loving spouse. They don't do what they do for the money or the glory, they just do what they do because it's their duty. These soldiers are solid, steady people who are true down to their cores. They know -- as well as you and I -- that freedom don't come free. When liberty's in jeopardy, theses soldiers will always do what's right.
UOTS: Are you please, then, with the way Obama's administration has handled everything thus far?
TK: To be honest, I was kind of growing weary of his endless chatter -- I wanted a little less talk and a lot more action out of Obama. It's safe to say that with the death of Bin Laden, Obama finally got on down to the main attraction.
UOTS: Is there anything you'd like to say to those remaining members of Al Qaeda?
TK: Justice will be served and the battle will raged. You've rattled the cage of this big dog we like to call America -- and she's going to fight back. We will find you and we will stick our boots up all of your asses. That's just good old American courtesy. The eagle will fly and it's going to be a dilly of a pickle for all you terrorists.
UOTS: One last question -- I'm going to be in the Mesa area tonight. Do you know of anywhere I can go to find a decent pulled pork sandwich and some good live music?
TK: Well, there's this one bar and grill that I, personally, love. I'm blanking on the name, but I know it's located in Mesa Riverview right across the street from the Bass Pro Shop.
Disclaimer: If that last "question" didn't make it clear enough, then you didn't read far enough to figure out I didn't actually interview Toby Keith.