Maybe you've heard: Today is election day.
This year's election is a little different than the 2008 one, though. It seems not everyone is happy with the progress the Kenyan/Indonesian/Martian guy who usurped the presidency has been making toward converting our economy to socialism. Crazy, right?
Some of the unhappy people are having big "Tea Parties" in honor of Sarah Palin's husband's victory in a snowmobile race against Russia. Or something. It's a little confusing.
Anyway, Tea Parties are obviously awesome, what with the tri-corner hats and all. The only problem with a lot of Tea Parties we've seen is that the music sucks. How many times can you play either that Lee Greenwood song or some sort of patriotic march on a fife?
We've made a Tea Party mix that's a little more bumpin', yet doesn't compromise any of the principles the movement will surely compromise for themselves within months of taking office.
Issue: Tax cuts
Tea Partiers are pushy when it comes to getting taxes lowered because, as everyone knows, the rent is 2 damn high. Nobody knows money better than Puff Daddy, so let him be the first to remind you of the importance of economic policy.
Puff Daddy & the Family - "It's All About the Benjamins (Remix)"
Issue: Gun Control
Conservatives often worry the government is going to come and take their guns and leave them sitting ducks in the events the King of England decides to poke his nose in our bidness again. T.I. understands the importance of keeping a gun for self defense and makes an impassioned case for his right to keep and bear arms to protect his family in "Ready For Whatever." His conclusion, "Either die or go to jail, that's a helluva decision," could come out of Rand Paul's mouth any day now.
T.I. - "Ready For Whatever"
Issue: Gay Marriage
Lil Wayne famously begins his hit single "Lollipop" by repeating the phrase "No Homo." Tea Partiers can take this as an anti-gay marriage rallying cry if they want. Obviously, the Tea Party is all about individual freedoms, and if gays are allowed to marry straight people no longer will be able to, making this an important issue for freedom-lovers. The rest of the song is about a wholesome, all-American confectionery treat which everyone likes and is in no way controversial.
Lil Wayne, "Lollipop"
Issue: Creating Jobs
Considering the crummy economy isn't news to anyone, businesses have been struggling for a few years now. That's why no one is more of a hero to conservatives than the much beloved "Small Business Owner." Of course if you don't have marketable skills like plumbing or lobbying it can be tough. One way to efficiently boost the economy with small businesses is by dealing drugs. Rick Ross knows what's up.
Rick Ross - "Hustlin'"
Tea Partiers are against Obama Care and government bailouts. They're also firm believers that the government shouldn't regulate industry, or at least the government should only have limited regulation. Back in the day, Warren G. and Nate Dogg took a stand in the 213.
Warren G. feat. Nate Dogg - "Regulate"
Issue: Health care
Rap songs about health care? Who are you kidding? This is as close as rap songs will come to spitting lyrics about health care. Luckily, the Tea Party is also eerily silent on how to solve our nation's insurance crisis. Snoop's advice makes just as much sense as Christine O'Donnell's.
Snoop Dogg feat. Dr. Dre - "Smoke Weed Every Day"
Issue: Who's looking after the people?
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SHOW ME HOW
If there's anyone who understands the corruption going on in the United States, it's Brother Ali. In "Uncle Sam Goddamn, he raps, "Welcome to the United Snakes/Land of the thief, home of the slave/Grant imperial guard where the dollar is sacred and power is God." The song talks about the law, the work force, the fat and lazy, the government, freedom, and taxes. Man, this guy's on top of his politics.
Brother Ali - "Uncle Sam Goddamn"
Martin Cizmar contributed to this post and probably wrote anything you found especially offensive in it.