Here are a few creepy, annoying, or otherwise weird music ads you can use to meet up artists with in the Phoenix area today!
1. Let's start a band. Don't worry about the "music" part.
Title: lets start a band no exp. req.
Body: "Looking to form a group of aspiring musicians, anything goes. Ages 35 and up"
Our interpretation: This one is bound to be the greatest rock and roll band in history.
Underlying subtext: "Who wants to have a mid-life crisis? No one. Who wants to have a mid-life crisis together? This guy! No musical experience required."
2. Want 2 right a rawk callem?!
Title: Want to write a rock column?
Body: "ModnRockMagaine ( http://www.modernrockmagazine.com ) is under new ownership. We are gearing the new online magazine site to the Mi-Level bands working hard to make a name for themselves and want to provide several free services to help them such as industry articles, regional music scene conditions, and more....
We are searching for someone with great writing skills that would like to do our Pheonix area rock scene monthly review..This monthly column will be a go to place for the hard working touring bands to plan their trips and to get detailed information on what genera brings in the crowds, what clubs are hot, stage sound quality, and more..
This is not a paying gig, however we are pushing this site hard so it is a great way to get exposure....If interested, simply reply to this ad"
Look, I get it. I've wanted to write about music since I was a kid, but I'm pretty sure the writing
bit is a crucial element to becoming a rock writer. And if you can't classify your music in more than one biological genus
, then fuck off!
Underlying subtext: Cannot be decoded.
3. Smoke Bros
Title: 420/Marijuana/Cannibis/Weed DJ WANTED
Body: "I am seeking a new co-host and guests for a new upcoming radio show here on Blogtalkradio.com(and as part of an on-line radio station) a show that features news,views,and music about Marijuana(medicinal,spiritual and otherwise).
For the co-host position, I am seeking someone that has on-air experiance(that would be best,but not necessary) with a clear radio speaking voice and contacts in the music industry in those this genre who can be a team player and will assist me in providing the guests for the show. This is extremely important.
If you are a band or an artist and would like to be a guest on my new show, please respond to this post with a link to your website so I can listen to your music and review your profile. Same goes for the co-host position except all you need is a demo of your voice. You will be contacted if you are selected for the show.
The program will air as soon as a new co-host and guests are found. Thank you for your help! I am looking forward to getting this project off the ground!"
Our interpretation: Probably a front for a grow operation.
Underlying subtext: "But, like... What if what I see as blue isn't the same as what you see as blue!?"
4. LOL sO rAnDoM!!!!one!
Title: Hey poop, Lets start a band?
Body: "Slightly attractive very interesting chickperson wants to be in a band. Is a rhythm guitarist and back up vocalist, front man/vocalist, and lyricist. Interested in playing anything from Nirvana, Deftones, Slipknot, Korn, In this moment, Otep, Mushroomhead all the way too Elliot Smith, Death Cab For Cutie, White Stripes, NoFX, Modest Mouse, and Dresden Dolls. So ill play Metal, Punk, and Soft Indie. I love all music just about."
Our interpretation: Someone should just tell this girl she's pretty, cool and an individual before something bad happens.
Underlying subtext: "Did I list enough 'cool' bands for you to like me?"
5. Spam Stars
Title: Wilson Kozac moving up the charts
Body: "We have climbed another 135 spots from 433 to 298 in the reverbnation standings for Tempe bands :-) Thanks to all you folks! Tell your friends and let's see how low we can go.....Wilson Kozac"
Our interpretation: Wilson Kozac, the self-proclaimed hottest band in Tempe, has climbed 135 spots on local Reverb Nation charts. Rest assured that it has nothing to do with the fact that they've posted variations of this same ad on Craigslist at least once a day with the Reverb Nation link.
Underlying subtext: "We can have a mid-life crisis, too!"
6. This one might have been posted in the wrong section...
Text: HeY L3TS R0CK YO!!
Body: "Hi I am a 16 year old guitarist name Boo. I'm wanting to start a band make some friends, travel and try to play for MONEY!. Help me out Im a cool chill hispanic guy I play guitar like every minute I enjoy playing hardrock, blues and latin blues. I take online school so Im up to play any time. I want to have a good fun band members get to know each other for we could party and play our music just have a good time. Who knows if you take the choice to contact me we might even make it to where we wanna go. COME ON help me start this road :) take the step"
Our interpretation: Is it just me, or does this one seem vaguely homoerotic? His name is Boo? "Who knows if you take the choice to contact me we might even make it to where we wanna go?" Unintentional maybe, I'd be willing to bet he got a few personal e-mails from older gentlemen suggesting they "see where music takes them."
Underlying subtext: "Let's rock each other."
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