Have you ever wondered about the girl who plays the foil to Taylor Swift in her brilliant single "You Belong With Me?" I mean, it's hard to imagine any teenage girl capable of captivating the object of Swift's affections to the point of rendering Swift invisible to him. Listen to the track below and try to picture her.
OK, now imagine for a second that the other woman is not a teenage girl at all. Imagine that it's Beyonce Knowles he's hung up on. Make more sense now?
Like, say it's a typical Tuesday night and you're forced to choose. Yes, Taylor is listening to the type of music Beyonce doesn't like, and no, Beyonce will never know your story like Taylor does. But Beyonce wears short skirts, while Swift wears either t-shirts or the exact same silver dress. (Can someone point out how the dress she wore on Saturday Night Live differs from the dress she wears in the Band Hero commercial? How gauche! Beyonce would never do something like that.) Because of this, Beyonce is the proverbial cheer captain, while Swift is best suited for watching from the bleachers.
I mean, really, America, given this scenario are you going to wake up and find that Taylor was what you were looking for the whole time? I should hope not.
And this, America, brings me to my point: Taylor Swift is fun and adorable and writes some great twangy teen-pop but she ain't Beyonce. She ain't close to Beyonce.
Not that I'm a Swift expert, but, in addition to watching her croon "Fifteen" last night I watched her on Saturday Night Live last week, and I've seen her in that obnoxious Band Hero commercial about a zillion times. She's great for what she is, but she's not the sort of transcendent force of nature that Beyonce is. Beyonce gave this jaded ol' music critic goosebumps when she played here. All watching Taylor sing does is remind me that Joe Jonas is a douchebag, which is obvious anyway.
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SHOW ME HOW
Watching the CMAs last night it struck me: Kanye and that bottle of Hennessy were totally right.
Truly, I don't understand how anyone can fault Drunk Kanye for pointing all this out. Look, he let her finish, he just wanted to set the record straight first. I cannot fault him for that and neither should you.
Say you're sorry, America. Kanye was just keepin' it real and giving credit where credit was due. Your backlash was overblown and killed what was sure to be the best tour of the year. All for the honor of some tartlet who sells sundresses at Wal-Mart.