Hope you had productive May. Today is the last day the official month of masturbation. Who comes up with that stuff, anyway?
We hope you gave yourself some lovin' this month, and we encourage you to continue doing so today, next month, and the rest of your life. This holiday just seems like a convenient excuse to bludgeon the beefsteak, but who needs a month dedicated to jerking it? After all, masturbation is good for your health, it keeps you entertained during those lonely times, and a little self-exploration is a good way to figure out what you like in bed. But let's say you missed the notice and have called in sick to make the most of today. We've gathered this list of tunes to guide you along -- though they may not be the best songs to actually ride the great white knuckler to (see our list of 10 Porno Soundtracks instead) -- but they're good tunes for a few laughs in appreciation of masturbation month.
Billy Idol -- Dancing With Myself
"In the crowded lonely night Well I wait so long For my love vibration And I'm dancing with myself"
This song could arguably be about somebody innocently dancing with their reflection in the mirror, but we have dirty minds, so we're sticking with stroking the salami. You can't always "dance" with a partner, so go for it solo, oh ah oh oh.
Divinyls -- I Touch Myself
"I don't want anybody else When I think about you I touch myself"
Can you think of a more flattering, albeit not very subtle, song to serenade your crush with Say Anything-style? Just watch out for ultra-conservative neighbors.The Vapors -- Turning Japanese
"I want the doctor to take a picture So I can look at you from inside as well"
I'm sorry to break it to you, but this song is not an ode to Japanese culture, it's about the squinty eyed face people make while reaching orgasm, which is kinda racist and sexy!
Joy Formidable -- Austere (fan video)
I'd like to say this video is NSFW, but there's technically nothing wrong with it, but still, use discretion while watching a music video full of "O" faces at work.
Buzzcocks -- Orgasm Addict
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"Sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines, Now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans. And you're an orgasm addict."
Yeah, it's an addictive habit and we won't judge if you're always at it. It's bound to happen if you're ever fallen in love (with somebody you shouldn't have fallen in love with).