10 Best Arizona-Related Urban Dictionary Definitions
Merriam-Webster tends to be bland sometimes, so we consulted the Urban Dictionary to define some Arizona-related things.
Check out our top 10 finds (which doesn't include any grotesque sexual acts!):
10.) Sedona Sweatlodge
When you fart under the blankets and then hold the covers over your bedmate's head. A Dutch oven.
9.) Tucson Margarita
An alcoholic beverage consisting of ice, gin, and lemon juice that became popular with the impoverished community of University of Arizona college students residing in Arizona's off-campus Commons.
That about sums it up:
Seventh Circle of Hell, where the ancient, decrepit, and irritable come to sling their pennies and sip their Ensure throught their wrinkled pursed lips. Great place for fishing.
7.) Arizona Cold
It's somewhere around 70 degrees:
Weather experienced in the Phoenix area during the winter months (December through February). Weather in which it is too warm to wear a winter jacket or big coat, and if you do wear one, you will look like a huge douche. Then, when you wear a hoody or thin jacket, you get cold. Thus it is Arizona cold.
Northern Arizona city where the bike trails outnumber the roads, and the people that swear by them are higher than the elevation. Plenty of trees to hug.. why can't we all just be friends?
5.) Arizona Republic
You think we could leave this one out?
1. Arizona's/Phoenix's most popular newspaper and, conincidentally [sic], the worst newspaper on the planet.
2. A Phoenix paper in which death counts of soldiers in Iraq are A10 news, and some bullshit about AIMS testing is A1/front page news.
3. A Phoenix paper which publicly endorsed Bush during the election of 2004, effectively killing any reputation it had for unbiased/non-partisan reporting.
Truer words were never spoken:
v. To pursue political opponents (imprisoning them if necessary), ignore repeated cries for help and otherwise oversee a corrupt organization.
Also, a ritzy hotel:
1. A member of an ancient people (1600-300 BCE) in the Mediterranean. They were remarkable for their seafaring achievements.
2. People from Phoenix who have no grasp of history. Or, they are aware, but pretentious enough to continue to call themselves "Phoenician."
A biblical version of events:
Arizona - It's the devil's playground
The devil wanted a place on earth, sort of a summer home, a place to spend his vacation, whenever he wanted to roam.
So he picked out Arizona, a place both wretched and rough, where the climate was to his liking, and the cowboys hardened and tough.
He dried up the lakes in the valley, then burned and scorched it all, He dried up the streams in the canyons, and ordered no rain to fall.
Then over this barren desert, he transplanted shrubs from Hell, the cactus thistle and prickly pear, the climate suited them well.
Now the home was much to his liking, but animal life he had none, so he created crawling creatures, that all mankind would shun.
First he made the rattlesnake, with its forked poisonous tongue, taught it to strike and rattle, and how to shallow its young.
Then he made scorpions and lizards, and the ugly old horned toad, he placed spiders of every description, under the rocks by the side of the road.
Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter, hotter and hotter still, until even the cactus wilted, and the old horned toads looked ill.
Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom, as any creator would, he chuckled a little, rolled up his sleeves, and admitted it was good.
T'was summer now and Satan, lay by a prickly pear to rest, the sweat rolled off his sweaty brow, so he took off his coat and vest.
"By golly", he finally panted, "I did my job to well, I'm going back to where I came from, Arizona is hotter than hell!"
1.) Arizona #2
Turns out, the second definition of Arizona is much better:
You know you live in Arizona when:
You buy salsa by the gallon.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
You think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
You can say Hohokam(?Hohokam (HO-ho-ko'm) and people don't think you're laughing funny.
You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You can say 120 degrees without fainting.
Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
You can be in the snow, and then drive for an hour and it will be more than 100 degrees.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
The pool can be warmer than you are.
You can make sun tea instantly.
People will drive over 100 miles just to see snow.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.
People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
You realize Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
You can (correctly) pronounce the words: "Saguaro(?Saguaro (suh-WA'R-o) . . . "Tempe," "Gila Bend," "San Xavier," "Canyon de Chelly," "Mogollon Rim," "Cholla," and "Ajo."
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the Circle K.
Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually buy them.
Hot-air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.