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10 Hottest Things During a Phoenix Summer



It's June, which means it's getting a little warm here in Phoenix.

With 100-degree temperatures in our foreseeable future, we have our picks for the 10 things that seem to get the hottest during the summer:

10.) Your House After the Air Conditioning Breaks

It's still cooler than it is outside, but few people would ever be able to sleep in their house after the air-conditioning breaks. Time to wake up some friends or relatives and tell them they have a new roommate!

 

9.) Your Attic


If there's anything that needs to be done in your attic, you have two choices: Wait until November, or pay someone to go up there.

 

8.) Water


Left a bottle of water in your car for 15 minutes? There are now two uses for that water: burning your throat, or cooking instant noodles. Has anyone ever left the faucet on long enough to where it actually gets cold? Also, when you turn on the hose, you want nothing to do with those first five seconds of water.

 

7.) Your Skin After a Salt River Trip


Some very tan and sunscreen-heavy people might be exempt from this, but pasty people know the pain.

 

6.) Sun Devil Stadium


Back in our day, if you wanted to see the Arizona Cardinals, you made your ass sizzle on those bleachers in Sun Devil Stadium, and you watched that (very likely) 30-0 loss until the bitter end. At least ASU came up with the brilliant idea to have games at night.

 

5.) Downtown


The heat island effect is real.

 

4.) Metal Door Handles


You're relieved when you see that a business owner duct-taped a hand towel to the door handle of the front of the business.

 

3.) Asphalt


When I was 13, I thought it'd be fine if I went barefoot to get the mail. I was incorrect.

 

2.) Every Part of Your Car . . .


The door handle, the shift knob, the steering wheel, the seats, even the sunglasses you left out that singe your face. Everything about your car is hot.

 

1.) . . . Especially the Seat Belt Buckle


This has to be the single hottest thing in a Phoenix summer. The only time someone in Phoenix will ever be thankful for the metal buckle is when they accidentally chop off their own finger and need a way to cauterize the wound.

Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX.


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