10 Types of Arizona Republicans
In Arizona, Republican citizens are more than just Obama-hating, gun-toting, free Americans.
Although a lot of people are only Republicans for one day every couple of years (on Election Day), some are much more dedicated to the party than others. Check out our field guide to 10 types of Republicans you'll see in Arizona (and everywhere else, really):
-10 Types of Arizona Democrats
10.) The Teabagger
- Cannot go five minutes without expressing their political beliefs.
- Wardrobe, vehicles, and Facebook page covered in mostly nonsense slogans.
- Seems to have a lot of free time on weekdays.
9.) The Brainwashing Victim
- Believes Fox News is the world's only source of unbiased news.
- Any news that does not fit their perverted view is produced by the "liberal media."
- Has an inability to hold a rational conversation with non-Fox viewer.
8.) The Religious Fanatic
- Believes to be knowledgeable on issue because it's "in the Bible."
- Does not appear to be familiar with the text they continue to reference.
- Not big on Muslims.
7.) The Racist
- Loves Joe Arpaio and Russell Pearce.
- Believes all brown people are illegal immigrants from Mexico.
- Wants to keep immigrants out of the country, for no particular (rational) reason.
6.) The Intellectual
- Can hold a rational, intelligent conversation about his/her beliefs.
- Places particular emphasis on economic issues.
- Rarely found in the wild.
5.) The Morality Cop
- Is all for limited government, except when it comes to things like butt sex.
- Thinks about homosexual intercourse more than the average homosexual.
- Other concerns include strippers, porn, The Rap Music, and other fun things.
- Believes "liberals" hate America, so he/she has American flag regalia at all times.
- Sheds tears at the sight of a bald eagle.
- Keeps Party City in the black around Independence Day.
3.) The Financier
This kid became a lifelong Democrat after realizing how shitty his parents are.
Chris Bachmann via Flickr
- Factual knowledge of economy greatly varies, depending on the individual.
- May have legitimate concerns about burdensome taxes.
- May be an idiot in deep debt, who blames the government instead.
2.) The Conspiracy Theorist
- Believes President Obama was born in a variety of countries not named "America."
- Believes Alex Jones has ever said anything based in fact.
- May have a six-year supply of Spam in their bomb shelter.
1.) RiNO (Republican in Name Only)
- Marked by strong confusion about their lives in general.
- Believes Obama is the reason they can't get a job with their GED and bad attitude.
- Is desperate for friends.
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