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10 Types of Arizona Republicans

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
Robert Huffstutter via Flickr

In Arizona, Republican citizens are more than just Obama-hating, gun-toting, free Americans.

Although a lot of people are only Republicans for one day every couple of years (on Election Day), some are much more dedicated to the party than others. Check out our field guide to 10 types of Republicans you'll see in Arizona (and everywhere else, really):

See also:
-10 Types of Arizona Democrats

10.) The Teabagger

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
Progress Ohio via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Cannot go five minutes without expressing their political beliefs.
  • Wardrobe, vehicles, and Facebook page covered in mostly nonsense slogans.
  • Seems to have a lot of free time on weekdays.

 

9.) The Brainwashing Victim

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
Progress Ohio via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Believes Fox News is the world's only source of unbiased news.
  • Any news that does not fit their perverted view is produced by the "liberal media."
  • Has an inability to hold a rational conversation with non-Fox viewer.

 

8.) The Religious Fanatic

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
Oran Viriyincy via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Believes to be knowledgeable on issue because it's "in the Bible."
  • Does not appear to be familiar with the text they continue to reference.
  • Not big on Muslims.

 

7.) The Racist

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
calistan via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Loves Joe Arpaio and Russell Pearce.
  • Believes all brown people are illegal immigrants from Mexico.
  • Wants to keep immigrants out of the country, for no particular (rational) reason.

 

6.) The Intellectual

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
Siena College via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Can hold a rational, intelligent conversation about his/her beliefs.
  • Places particular emphasis on economic issues.
  • Rarely found in the wild.

 

5.) The Morality Cop

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
hansol via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Is all for limited government, except when it comes to things like butt sex.
  • Thinks about homosexual intercourse more than the average homosexual.
  • Other concerns include strippers, porn, The Rap Music, and other fun things.

 

4.) The

Patriot

Nationalist

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
a1mega via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Believes "liberals" hate America, so he/she has American flag regalia at all times.
  • Sheds tears at the sight of a bald eagle.
  • Keeps Party City in the black around Independence Day.

 

3.) The Financier

This kid became a lifelong Democrat after realizing how shitty his parents are.
This kid became a lifelong Democrat after realizing how shitty his parents are.
Chris Bachmann via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Factual knowledge of economy greatly varies, depending on the individual.
  • May have legitimate concerns about burdensome taxes.
  • May be an idiot in deep debt, who blames the government instead.

 

2.) The Conspiracy Theorist

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
fibonacciblue via Flickr


Attributes:

  • Believes President Obama was born in a variety of countries not named "America."
  • Believes Alex Jones has ever said anything based in fact.
  • May have a six-year supply of Spam in their bomb shelter.

 

1.) RiNO (Republican in Name Only)

10 Types of Arizona Republicans
addictinginfo.org


Attributes:

  • Marked by strong confusion about their lives in general.
  • Believes Obama is the reason they can't get a job with their GED and bad attitude.
  • Is desperate for friends.


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