Arizona Cardinals Pick a Quarterback, and It's, Um, Drew Stanton
The Arizona Cardinals have signed quarterback Drew Stanton, and you might be wondering, "Who the hell is Drew Stanton?"
Although there are several answers to that question, here's one of them: Just a few years ago, he was the fourth-string quarterback on the absolute worst team in NFL history.
Ah, yes, the 2008 Detroit Lions.
Stanton didn't have a 2007 season after being drafted by the Lions in the second round that year because he injured his knee. In 2008, Stanton was back and on the roster as the third-string quarterback.
Starting quarterback John Kitna, who led the team to an 0-3 start, got injured in the fourth game, which put Dan Orlovsky at the number-one spot.
Stanton then spent five games, plus part of a sixth, behind a quarterback who had a hard time telling his ass from a hole in the ground, as evidenced by the following video clip:
So, after starting 0-9, the Lions made another quarterback change -- they finally put in Stanton.
Just kidding. They signed Daunte Culpepper, and he got the start against the Jacksonville Jaguars, essentially making Stanton the fourth-stringer, since three quarterbacks started ahead of him.
However, Culpepper got injured late in the first quarter, setting up Stanton for a 1-yard TD on his first NFL pass attempt.
Culpepper came back in the game but was pulled in the fourth quarter, when the game was out of hand and the Lions down 38-7.
Later in the season, Culpepper ended up sustaining an injury that would keep him out for the rest of the season, but Stanton still didn't get the shot -- Orlovsky finished up the season for the Lions, and the team didn't win a single friggin' game the entire year.
Even after that season, Stanton never really played much.
He's started a grand total of four games, with career totals of five touchdowns and nine interceptions. Although he was a member of the Indianapolis Colts last year, he hasn't thrown a pass in a regular-season game since December 2010, when he was with the Lions.
Stanton has now signed a three-year deal with the Cardinals, according to what his agent said on Twitter.
Now, Kevin Kolb's still on the Cardinals, but he's due a big roster bonus in a couple of days, leading to speculation that the team might cut him before then.
If that turns out to be the case, there's supposed to be a quarterback battle between Stanton and Brian Hoyer, which sounds pathetic.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.