Arizona Legislature Explained by New Study of Neanderthals?
We have fretted for some time about the Neanderthals in control of the Arizona Legislature, a powerful political body that enacts laws by which we are supposed to live our lives.
Could it really be true, we have pondered deep into the night, that the likes of this bunch -- the Russell (1070) Pearces, Judy (birther) Burgeses, and so on--truly represent the will of the entire electorate of this beautiful state?
A new study released last week by the American Association of Physical Anthropologists at least may reveal some answers to another of our questions, how can those fuckers down at the Leg be so lame?
Seems that the study, first reported by Nature News, uncovered a goodly amount of interbreeding between Neanderthals and early humans.
Neanderthals inhabitated the Earth between about 30,000 and 130,000 years before (allegedly) going extinct.
Scientists continue to debate how the two species -- Neanderthals and humans -- interacted, if at all, and if they actually mated with each other.
Well, we, the un-scientists, have been forced to conclude that the species did mate with each other.
And we'll go one giant step for mankind beyond that:
We're convinced that Neanderthals never did go extinct, but instead migrated to Arizona, where they blended with the "human" population and have taken over our legislative branch.
Sure, they may look like humans, and act (at times) like humans, these elected officials of ours.
Honestly, we don't mean to disparage the ancient Neanderthals, who surely didn't have it easy during their run of the planet.
But we are certain, now that we've studied up on it, that, indeed, a majority of Arizona's 90 legislators have a lot of Neanderthal blood in them.
Maybe that explains it.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.