Arizona Men Have Fifth-Largest Penises in Country; Way to Go, Guys!
Who woulda thought the phrase "hey, I'm from Arizona" could be used as a pickup line?
It's time to put away those rulers and stop the borderline-homosexual competitions, gentlemen, because a New York condom company has put together a list of states and cities with the largest average penis size, and Arizona wieners rank among the biggest in the country.
Condomania has done extensive penile research and determined that Arizona men have the fifth-biggest schlongs in the country (we'll take their word for it).
In 2004, the company started a line of TheyFit Condoms, which came in 76 "tailored-fit" sizes, and monitored their sales.
"These fitted condoms range in length from 3 to 10 inches and from super slim to extra roomy." says Chris Filkins, Condomania's Directory of Technology. "After gathering detailed information on over 27,000 penises, we now have the most comprehensive database of penis sizes on the planet!"
And what on earth would we do without a "comprehensive database of penis sizes?"
After the "research" was complete, Arizona took the fifth spot on the states list, and Phoenix, as a city, also ranked fifth.
"Unlike other studies in which participants were measuring their penis size solely for the sake of recording a measurement, and were perhaps more likely to exaggerate," says Filkins. "The customer satisfaction surveys we received overwhelmingly indicated that men of all sizes, but particularly those on either end of the size spectrum, benefited immensely from a properly fitting condom."
New Hampshire was found to have the biggest penises, according to the survey, while Wyoming found itself on the bottom of the list, so, if you ever meet someone from Wyoming feel free to just point and laugh.
Here are a few other interesting tidbits from this ridiculous study: politically "blue states" -- on average -- have bigger dongs than red states, the smallest penises are under three inches long, while the largest are bigger than 10 inches. And the study's data created an almost perfect bell curve, with 25 percent of all men having penises shorter than five inches, 50 percent being between five and six inches, and 25 percent being larger than six inches.
For more information on national dick size click here.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.