CBS 5 Found Bigfoot Again
Next on CBS 5: A leprechaun leaves a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
CBS 5 is once again showing purported video of Bigfoot, which is remarkable, considering Bigfoot doesn't exist.
Looks like the local TV news crew that claims to be "telling it like it is" got abducted by aliens again.
Here's the thing -- there's one rule to showing purported Bigfoot evidence. You either bring in Bigfoot himself on a leash, or go f*** yourself.
That's it. One rule. You don't have him on a leash, then keep hunting until you have something to bring back on a leash. We'll all buy you a beer and give you a pat on the back for bringing in Bigfoot on a leash. Then you can be on the local news.
However, if you're a seasoned CBS 5 viewer, you already knew Bigfoot existed, since the news crew reported earlier this year that the big ape's toenail was found right here in Arizona.
Arizona Coyotes vs. San Jose Sharks
TicketsSat., Sep. 23, 6:00pm
Arizona Cardinals Game Zone - 9/25 - Not A Game Ticket
TicketsMon., Sep. 25, 2:15pm
Arizona Cardinals vs. Dallas Cowboys
TicketsMon., Sep. 25, 5:30pm
Arizona Diamondbacks vs. San Francisco Giants
TicketsMon., Sep. 25, 6:40pm
WWE Smackdown Live
TicketsTue., Sep. 26, 4:45pm
Of course, CBS 5 viewers are also led to believe that chupacabras -- little (imaginary) monsters that suck blood from goats by the pint -- have been roaming the Valley for years now.
Also, aliens sometimes drive their spacecraft over Phoenix.
Now, if CBS 5 would just do some real public-service journalism and tell me how to expel the bogeyman from under my bed, I'd appreciate it.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Phoenix, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.