County Attorney Thomas Gets Right Wing Fixed
By Paul Rubin
When word came to us recently that current Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Peyton Thomas underwent a procedure on a shoulder, the first question we had was, "Which one?"
Should have known it was the right one. The guy is so conservative that he probably had his left wing surgically disabled some time ago.
The photo, as any sports fan knows, shows former Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Curt Schilling.
Both are mouthy conservatives (but, hey, Schill sure could come up big in the clutch!) with shoulder troubles. Notice the tork on the big right-winger, um, right-hander's arm.
That's all we need here in Blogville!
We are not on intimate terms with Mr. Thomas, not by any stretch of the definition of the concept of "intimate," but we sense that he is not the type of guy to spend the occasional evening at the Tempe Improv.
But the notion of our boy undergoing therapy on his right wing got us scurrying to our political joke file, which we collect in our endless "spare time."
For example, Dave Letterman asked during the 2004 political season, "How many of you folks watched the Democratic convention? It's over and now the Republicans have just one month to become ethnically diverse."
The more things change....
And Jay Leno noted during the recent primary battles that "Hillary Clinton announced that the vast right-wing conspiracy is back. You know what that means? Bill must be dating again."
And here's one that might even bring a smile to the phlegmatic County Attorney's face, courtesy of comic Craig Ferguson:
"According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are trying to get Angelina Jolie’s endorsement for the campaign, and John Edwards is just trying to get her number."
Finally, a favorite from the great Stephen Colbert, an equal-opportunity (not to be confused, Andy, with affirmative action) punster.
"Well, Nation," he said recently, "you've all heard the news. Jesus has returned to Earth on a spaceship, cured cancer, and won the British Open. Did no one hear about that? Oh, maybe it's because Barack Obama decided to go backpacking overseas with a couple of his friends. You probably know his friends by their professional name: The entire media."
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.