Derek Anderson, Please Leave Town and Never Come Back. Sincerely, Arizona
Arizona Cardinals quarterback Derek Anderson achieved one thing in last night's Monday Night Football game: he managed to outdo Governor Jan Brewer in embarrassing Arizona in front of a national audience.
OK, so that might be a stretch -- even a 27-6 loss to the fucking San Francisco 49ers, and the nationally televised tirade that followed, aren't as humiliating as Jan's epic moment of silence (or, pretty much anything about Jan-bein'-Jan).
But thanks to Anderson, Arizona, once again, looks like shit. And, in response, we're asking him -- politely -- to leave town and never come back.
Following the loss, which included a miserable performance from Anderson -- once again -- he was asked by a reporter why he was seen laughing with lineman Deuce Lutui while down 18 points in the fourth quarter. Rather than just saying something along the lines of "I'm not happy with the way I played," Anderson went into an S-bomb filled tirade and stormed off stage. Check it out below.
Here's the transcript:
"It wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing about anything ... Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I'm not laughing about it -- you think this is funny, I take this shit serious. Real serious. I put my heart and soul into this shit every single week. I'm just telling you what I do right now what I do every single week! Every single week I put my freaking heart and soul into this! I study my ass off! I don't go out there and laugh! It's not funny. Nothing's funny to me. I don't want to go out there and get embarrassed in front of everybody. I'm telling you right now -- Deuce and I were talking!"
Phoenix Suns vs. Portland Trail Blazers
TicketsWed., Nov. 2, 7:00pm
Arizona Coyotes vs. Nashville Predators
TicketsThu., Nov. 3, 7:00pm
Arizona State University Sun Devils Hockey vs. University of Michigan
TicketsFri., Nov. 4, 7:05pm
2016 Charles Schwab Cup Championship
TicketsWed., Nov. 9, 9:00am
The nationally televised tirade aside, Anderson played awful. Completing 16 of 35 passes with no touchdowns and an interception earned him a 51.6 passer rating, which is about par for the course for Anderson this season.
But the one interception was a gift -- from our count, Anderson should have been intercepted nearly half a dozen times.
The Niners' secondary had Anderson figured out and found themselves between him and his intended receiver on nearly half of his passes -- and that was only when he wasn't missing open receivers.
Anderson was unable to successfully move the offense down the field. The team had a total of eight first downs and 203 total yards.
The rest of the team sucked, too -- but they didn't have a nationally televised, Dennis-Green-esque meltdown after the game.
The defense gave up 386 yards, including 136 yards from running back Brian Westbrook, who was in for the injured Frank Gore.
The Cards have now lost six straight and are in last place in the NFC West, which is exactly where they deserve to be -- the basement of the worst division in the NFL.
Simply put, the Arizona Cardinals are humiliating -- and we expect nothing less than an embarrassing showing next week when they host the St. Louis Rams. For more Cardinals information click here.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.