Going Head to Head
The Flash has been so caught up in the impending battle between the newly sold Arizona Republic and the Tribune that another possible skirmish in the Valley's newspaper world was almost overlooked. It seems Echo magazine, the 11-year-old bimonthly devoted to the local gay and lesbian community, has some serious competition. Within 24 hours last week, the Flash received word that both Echo and a new gay newspaper, Spectrum Weekly, had hit the streets with distribution boxes -- a first, apparently, for any local gay publication.
"They're two completely different publications," says Brian Dickerson, formerly Echo's office manager, now Spectrum's business manager (and not the only Echo defector). He adds that as a weekly, Spectrum can focus on news in a timelier manner than Echo, which Dickerson describes as a "Pennysaver" type publication.
"Tacky," counters Gregg Edelman, Echo's general manager. Meow! Instead, he likens Echo to Phoenix Magazine or Scottsdale Life. (Well, whatever.)
Edelman says Echo came up with the idea to do distribution boxes, and Spectrum copied. In any case, Echo's got 20, Spectrum's got 30. The Valley's other gay publication, HeatStroke, has yet to appear on the streets.
And the misleadingly named Get Out -- the Tribune's contribution to Valley entertainment, readily available on most street corners -- remains as hetero as ever.
The Flash is nothing if not eclectically well-read. Whenever the Flash wearies of traditional fare, the Journal of Forensic Sciences provides a welcome respite. Just consider these recent headlines from that august periodical (the Flash is not making these up):
"Suicidal Drowning in South Florida."
"The Extent of Postmortem Drug Redistribution in a Rat Model."
"Airway Obstruction by a Ball."
"Body Parts Can Be Dangerous to Health."
"Psychosocial Profile of Swiss Sexual Offenders."
"Homicide Followed by Suicide: Paris and Its Suburbs, 1991-96."
"Automobile Exhaust As a Means of Suicide: An Experimental Study With a Proposed Model."
"Dandruff As a Potential Source of DNA in Forensic Casework."
"Frequency of Pubic Hair Transfer During Sexual Intercourse."
"The Use of Cadaver Dogs in Locating Scattered, Scavenged Human Remains."
"An Unusual Case of Railway Suicide."
"Fatal Aspiration of Sardine Fry in a Patient With Lung Cancer."
"The Postmortem Fate of Pat Gregory: A Disinterred Native American."
"A Review of Crane Deaths in Jefferson County, Alabama."
"A 36-Year History of Fatal Road Rage in Marion County, Oregon: 1963-1998."
And the Flash's favorite, "The Role of the Dental Hygienist in Mass Disasters."
Although the season is still almost two months off, the Flash is already getting pumped up about his prospects in the 2000 Fantasy Football season.
And how could he not with such a studly band of carryovers from the 1999 season? Drew Bledsoe should bounce back this year. Eddie George, Stephen Davis and Isaac Bruce all should be looking at banner years.
The Flash's roster is so solid, in fact, that several of the league's premier players will be sitting on the bench.
Yes. For a limited time only, the Flash is willing to make a few trades.
First, the Flash is willing to put Pro Bowl tight end Mark Chmura on the block. Chmura is a longtime favorite target of pass-happy Pro Bowler Brett Favre and has proven to have the nerve to stick his neck out for a reception. And he has a real lust for the game. In fact, he lives by this credo: "If there's grass on the field, play ball!"
At the wide receiver position, the Flash last year acquired one of the fastest wide-outs in football. Yes, he had some discipline problems, but the young man is now in a secure environment in a program known for discipline and arduous strength conditioning. His new program is particularly adept at bringing more fluid movement to a receiver's most important muscle group, the gluteus maximus. The Flash is offering this receiver, Rae Carruth, only because the Flash's satellite sports package doesn't include Carolina Panthers games.
Finally, since the Flash also can't receive Indianapolis Colts games, he is offering running back Fred Lane, who, amazingly for such a young back, holds the Carolina Panther career rushing record. Lane has experienced problems with stiffness in recent days, but the Flash is expecting him to warm up and resurrect his career.
The Flash would be willing to trade all three players for Randy Moss or Marshall Faulk. If those trades aren't feasible, the Flash would perhaps consider a trade for one of the biggest stars in football history, Brian Piccolo.
Get the Weekly Newsletter
Our weekly feature stories, movie reviews, calendar picks and more - minus the newsprint and sent directly to your inbox.