One of the special privileges of Flashdom is having a window onto a world few people see. You see, most correspondence generated in America today gets copied to the Flash. This keeps this Burst of Light extremely busy and extremely entertained. The Flash sees travails. The Flash hears the most intimate and personal details of our wacky, millennial existences. People are angry. People are concerned. People are touched. The following string of e-mails began arriving on August 17 from a correspondent who shall remain nameless. They were copied to every state legislator, the governor, the congressional delegation and the president. If you're not feeling that chipper about your lot in life, this is very therapeutic reading.
Subject: incompetent indifference entities and individuals of the state of arizona continue to procrastinate and do nothing about the unethical, illegal, unconstitutional violations of the "doctors." today, the "doctors" electrode-controlled me to sleep 10+ hours, four more than my preference. additional recurring violations include: SEXUAL ABUSE; most recent crime, august 14, 2000. surveillance of me in my own home [which violates both the arizona and federal constitutions]. electrode-caused impaired hearing [in at least one ear and often in both ears]. electrode-caused skin itching [particularly to back and nose]. electrode-caused excessive urination and defecation. electrode-caused facial acne [particularly to nose]. electrode-caused leg "rashes." computer interference. control of my apartment temperature and electrode-control of my body temperature. electrode-caused eye irritation. occasional electrode-caused anal tearing. television interference. stealing my brain waves and sending unwanted messages into my brain. electrode-commanding my body and brain. THE POWERS-THAT-BE WOULD NOT PERMIT ANY OF THESE VIOLATIONS TO BE DONE TO THEMSELVES.
Subject: do-nothing incompetence the powers-that-be were manipulated into doing nothing about the following: the CRIME of sexual contact without consent; the UNCONSTITUTIONAL deprivation of due process of law; fifth amendment, u.s. constitution. the UNCONSTITUTIONAL invasion of my home, mind and body; fourth amendment, u.s. constitution and article 2, section 8 of the arizona constitution. the UNETHICAL disregard of my rights; AMA principles of medical ethics. the CRIME of the practice of medicine without a license. the CRIME of conspiracy against rights.
Subject: constitutional rights CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS are not purchasable. CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS are INALIENABLE.
Arizona Coyotes vs. San Jose Sharks
TicketsTue., Nov. 1, 7:00pm
Phoenix Suns vs. Portland Trail Blazers
TicketsWed., Nov. 2, 7:00pm
Arizona Coyotes vs. Nashville Predators
TicketsThu., Nov. 3, 7:00pm
Arizona State University Sun Devils Hockey vs. University of Michigan
TicketsFri., Nov. 4, 7:05pm
Subject: the "doctors" the "doctors" are unethical, illegal, unconstitutional scum, and the powers-that-be incompetently permit.
Subject: CRIMES early this morning [august 27, 2000], the doctors-scum electrode-controlled me to awaken after only a partial night's sleep. then, they slightly electrode-tore my anus. then, they electrode-accelerated my body. the doctors-scum are in CRIMINAL violation of 18 USC 241. co-conspirators of the doctors-scum are also in CRIMINAL violation. the doctors-scum also commit the CRIME of sexual contact without consent whenever they choose.
Subject: ANAL TEARING now, the doctors-scum do more extensive anal tearing and increased anal soreness.
Subject: degrading the slave this afternoon [august 27, 2000], there is much anal soreness. the doctors-scum have done this to me many times. there is no reason for anyone to actually do anything about it.
Subject: contribution of powers-that-be for many years, the doctors-scum kept me isolated from everyone of earth and ran me as their drunken faggot. they forced me to develop my own comprehensive overview of issues in the united states and the world. in 1993, the doctors-scum began to permit me to interact publicly with the powers-that-be. the powers-that-be have never contributed even one worthwhile idea. the powers-that-be have only contributed their unethical, illegal, unconstitutional, procrastinating incompetence. i agree with the core values of the fbi as stated on its website. my constitutional rights have been violated for 19 years and no-one has ever done anything about it.
Subject: MORE ANAL TEARING this evening [august 27, 2000], the doctors-scum electrode-forced me to excessively defecate. the doctors-scum use the excessive defecation to do more anal tearing and anal soreness.
Subject: ANAL TEARING AGAIN this morning [august 28, 2000], the doctors-scum electrode-controlled me to defecate first thing upon getting out of bed. then, after breakfast, the doctors-scum electrode-forced me to unnecessarily defecate again. the doctors-scum used the second, unnecessary, excessive defecation to do ANAL TEARING AGAIN; and with much anal soreness.
At this point, the Flash inquired: "Are you a patient in a hospital or institution? If so, why? What is the so-called electrode treatment intended to accomplish?"
Subject: Re: ANAL TEARING AGAIN in 1955, electrodes were implanted in me, without my knowledge [i was a 5-year-old child], because of a heart condition. in 1976, i became a lawyer, admitted to the state bar of new jersey [still not knowing electrodes had been implanted in my body in 1955]. circa 1980-81, a plan was implemented [without my knowledge or consent] to use the electrodes to innovatively "train" me to become a member of the judiciary. the plan is implemented by three elderly doctors. the u.s. senate judiciary committee funds the doctors. the doctors illegally keep me under surveillance and abuse me in my own apartment. my constitutional rights have been violated for 19 years and no-one has ever done anything about it.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.