Boy, Is Fife's Face Red
Governor J. Fife Symington III occasionally loosens his tie and invites the Capitol press corps up to his office for an informal audience. A Fifester-side chat, if you will.

The Flash wasn't invited to the May 26 confab, but was told it went like this: Arizona Daily Star correspondent Francie Noyes broached the pesky topic of school-finance reform. The governor informed Noyes that public schools needn't be modernized to improve. Just look at all the old buildings at Harvard, his alma mater, he said proudly.

Everyone was civil, 'til the final moments, when Mesa Tribune reporter Mark Flatten gently poked Symington over the governor's plan to remodel his offices at a cost of $1.7 million. Symington proclaimed the office a firetrap in need of asbestos abatement and improvements to bring it into compliance with the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Noyes, who was standing next to Symington, said something like, "Gee, Mr. Governor, that's exactly what the schools say they need!"

Journalists in attendance say the gubernatorial stack blew sky high. Symington's pallid countenance reddened as he turned on Noyes and snarled, "This is the Governor's Office, it's not some school!"

Was Rosemary Woods There, Too?
After the governor's May 29 kiss-and-makeup meeting with Game and Fish officials, greener participants were not entirely sure of everything the Fifester had uttered. So they asked the Governor's Office for a transcript of the meeting, held on the eighth floor of the Executive Tower.

The Fifester was decisive on the issues, as usual, and vigorously addressed the questions put to him, as in this exchange, reprinted verbatim from the transcript:

"WHOEVER: I disagree with (inaudible) habitat.
"GOV: So, I want to make sure (inaudible) I appreciate (inaudible). (Inaudible) and it will be changed. In fact, one radical (inaudible) service of Congress, who will change (inaudible) and make it a totally (inaudible) law. (Inaudible) get away (inaudible) control, punitive type of a system that develops (inaudible). I don't know which one (inaudible) we are seeing to many (inaudible) happen as a result of it, and (inaudible). Of course, in the end (inaudible) major responsibility (inaudible) preserve species and habitat. The Federal Government (inaudible). (Inaudible). (Some laughter.)"

"Inaudible" appears 275 times in the 20-page document.
As part of that $1.7 million makeover, perhaps the Fifester will install a recording system that actually works. Look what it did for Nixon.

Well, She Could've Married Red Fish
No, that wasn't a typo in the June 7 Arizona Republic, which disclosed that Angel Brown was married to Donald Dust on March 11. A quick check of voter rolls shows that, yes, the new bride took the name of her husband, and now proudly answers to--that's right--Angel Dust.

Mrs. Dust can take comfort; she has plenty of drug-overtoned company in the Valley: Lillie Meth, Cynthia Smack, William Reefer, James Crank, Darcy Downer, Betty Speed, Gertrude Coke, M.J. Hemp, Brandie Herb, John Toot, Iva Snow and Hyo Bong.

But none of them can match Angel Dust for the elegant confluence of two names, with the possible exception of Bud Weed and Odelia Hash.

By the way, Angel and her new hubby live on Highland Avenue.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >