Mercy Me

The Fifester skates again. Bill Clinton's pardon of former governor J. Fife Symington III is just one more jaw dropper in a perpetual plethora of plummeting mandibles. They say that time heals all wounds. They also say that it really helps if your wife is heiress to a chemical fortune.

But, sheesh, while he was at it, couldn't Bubba have shown some mercy to an Arizona celebrity who's actually good at his job? The Flash is thinking Jason Kidd.

One sports talk-show host speculated that Kidd's admission of wife-smacking had cost him millions in endorsements. But let's look on the bright side -- he could still pimp French fries.

In any case, in light of domestic imbroglios involving Kidd, then-Diamondbank Bobby Chouinard and invalid two-guard Penny Hardaway, the Flash suggests that sports czar Jerry Colangelo add a couple of questions to his sports teams' official job applications:

1. Do you own any guns?

2. Have you stopped beating your wife?

At least Colangelo was prescient enough to hire a coach who has a record. In 1984, when he was just a pup pit bull, Scott Skiles was arrested on charges of felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. The cocaine charge was dropped when Skiles pleaded guilty to the marijuana possession. He was arrested again a year later and charged with drunken driving, and served 15 days in jail.

Don't get the Flash wrong. Skiles is a fine young coach, and by all appearances he's put his wayward youth far behind him.

By way of penance, all of these reprobates -- Hardaway, Kidd, Chouinard, Symington and, yes, Bubba -- should spend several weeks in Skiles' doghouse.

Distaff Is Restless

Frustrated by what they see as the male-dominated gay press in the Valley, a group of women has started a new lesbian magazine. The first issue of Queer Jane came out this month.

The magazine was founded by Kishia Brock, Laura Cannon, Kathleen Iudicello and Molly McCloy.

The first issue featured a profile of a local queer body builder, Julie Melson, who says she faces discrimination in her sport for being a bit too . . . hard.

The magazine plans to highlight a local lesbian in each issue, along with queer book and movie reviews, calendar of events and local "G-spots" -- that's gayspeak for businesses that welcome queers.


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