The Flash abjectly issues the following correction(s):
Contrary to what was reported in an earlier column, the voters of the East Valley's District 30 are not "chromosomally challenged retards."
However, this assertion does not alter the Flash's suggestion, made in the same column, that supporters of Proposition 302, the "Cardinals' stadium measure," were "dipsticks." Having said that, there is one clarification vis-à-vis 302: The Flash incorrectly stated that "people attracted to this measure because of funding for youth sports would probably buy cars based on advertising for floormats." This is, prima facie, silly. What the Flash intended, and should have written, was that such individuals "would probably buy cars based on advertising for wiper blades."
The Flash apologizes for reporting that Governor Jane Dee Hull was a "duplicitous, irresponsible old hag" for her role in failing to detect or in any way prevent the state's "Alt-Fuel Debacle." This was supremely insensitive of the Flash, because the governor is not really all that old. Sorry. The Flash's counsel insists that I report that the governor has "kicked righteous booty" in protecting the public weal. In addition, the governor's hair is not -- I repeat not -- "a byproduct of some industrial extrusion process."
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Moreover, the Arizona Department of Weights and Measures informs the Flash that the Alt-Fuel situation does not rise to the level of "Debacle," and that it should be identified as a "Fiasco." AzScam, Mecham and Symington were Debacles, a spokesman explains. The Flash regrets the error.
The Flash was mistaken in recommending that motorists encountering vehicles bearing the Alt-Fuel Fiasco license plates should bombard said vehicles with Slurpees and Big Gulps and other beverages containing high-fructose corn syrup. Turns out this would be illegal, and the Flash could be indicted by Janet Napolitano for conspiracy or some trumped-up nonsense. So don't throw anything. Just gesture.
And speaking of Janet Napolitano, the Flash must correct the record regarding her title. A review of state documents indicates that she is, in fact, an attorney. And, in direct contradiction to the Flash's recent dispatch, she is a general, not a corporal.