The Hard Cellulose
The Flash lives for motion pictures at a Harkins luxury cinema. One recent eve, The Flash stops by the full-service concession stand and orders some Gobstoppers and a small popcorn.

"For a dollar more, you get twice as much popcorn in the medium," the clerk intones.

"What's next, an Amway pitch?" The Flash growls.
"Don't be angry. It's not my fault," she whispers. "If we don't say what's on the card, they give us a bad mark on our report."

Being a snoop, The Flash inspected the card in question, and here's what it says:

Six steps to perfect checker reports
Upsell drink!

Small to Large--"For only $1 more, you can get the large and one free refill."

Small to Souv--"For only $1 more, you can get the souvenir cup which gives you $1 refills for the rest of the year."

Med to Large--"For a quarter more, you can get the large with one free refill."

Med to Souv--"For a quarter more, you can get the souvenir cup which gives you $1 refills for the rest of the year."

Upsell popcorn!
Small to Med--"For $1 more, you can get twice as much popcorn in the medium."

Med to Large--"For 50 cents more, you can get the large with one free refill."

Suggestive Sell!
Suggest something specific they did not order. DO NOT say "anything else?"
Please follow through for every customer.
It is Company Policy!

The Flash has a swell idea: Let's all memorize the card and repeat the applicable phrases in unison with clerks during all future transactions.

Dem Bones, Dem Bones
When Democratic party leaders tried to clear the field in the September 10 primary for their favorite Congressional District 4 candidate--physician-cum-political neophyte Stuart Turnansky--they mowed down the wrong candidate.

Originally, three Democrats were vying for GOP Representative John Shadegg's seat in Congress: Stuart Starky, a shoe salesman and Long Island transplant; Maria Elena Milton, a follower of Lyndon LaRouche; and Dr. Turnansky. Possibly worried about Starky's union support, Democratic party operatives challenged Starky's petition signatures in court and won ("Party Crasher," July 25).

At the time, Turnansky admitted he did nothing to thwart the legal challenge. State Democratic party chairman Sam Coppersmith says he told Turnansky, as a friend, "Look, don't blow it in the heats. They don't give the gold medal until the finals."

But Turnansky will be watching from the bleachers on November 5. LaRouche groupie Milton trounced him in the primary, gathering 54 percent of the vote compared with Turnansky's 46 percent. She'll have a long, uphill battle against Shadegg, who's now running Newt Gingrich's GOPAC. The district is heavily Republican.

Feed The Flash: voice, 229-8486; fax, 340-8806; online,

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