The prospect that Governor J. Fife Symington III could face criminal charges looms larger every day. The Flash has obtained evidence that the governor and his efficient staff have made contingency plans, going so far as to draw up a to-do list for the dreaded Indictment Day.

October 31, 1995

From:Doug Cole
Re:Daily schedule in event of indictment

Although none of us believes this will ever be employed, you are correct in asserting that we must be prepared for any eventuality. Youare always correct. Per your instructions, we have drawn up the following schedule, just in case.

7 a.m.--Breakfast with Chip Weil at the Phoenician; order something
on a shingle.
7:30 a.m.--Call and whine to John McCain.
7:40 a.m.--Plan a European vacation with stop in Switzerland.
7:45 a.m.--Cruise around in a white Ford Bronco driven by George Leckie.
9 a.m.--Staff meeting, re policy issues: Rethink this whole "get tough
on prisoners" policy; fire DOC director Sam Lewis, appoint Colonel
Klink; unveil new "Lies in Sentencing" legislation;
sign gubernatorial proclamation, "Amnesty Day"; privatize prisons
(Mercado Minimum-Security Correctional Facility).
10 a.m.--Annette.
10:02 a.m.--Declare moral bankruptcy.
10:30 a.m.--Send fruit baskets to: Carl Muecke, Donna and James Hamm,
"Bonzai" Bob Vickers.
10:45 a.m.--Hold news conference, say Willard did it.
11 a.m.--Shopping. Buy exercise video, "Buns of Steel"; buy silk pink
boxers; buy Johnny Cash tapes; buy lots of cigarettes and candy bars.
Noon--Lunch with Paul Schatt at the Big Apple. Paul's treat.
1 p.m.--Call Edwin Edwards.
1:15 p.m.--Send dues to Aryan Brotherhood.
1:30 p.m.--Sue New Times.
1:45 p.m.--See if Johnnie Cochran will work pro bono.
2 p.m.--Get a tattoo (Suggestion: Adopt tough new prison moniker,
"Project SLIM").
2:30 p.m.--Finish dismantling public education.
2:45 p.m.--Update Enemies List.
3:45 p.m.--Get members of security detail indicted, too.
4 p.m.--Order custom, nickel-plated leg irons.
4:30 p.m.--Get Ann recipe for file cake.
4:45 p.m.--Give Veterans' Memorial Coliseum to Coopers & Lybrand.
5 p.m.--For old time's sake, rig a few bids.
5:30 p.m.--Trash newly remodeled Ninth Floor.
6 p.m.--Find out if Charles Keating needs a "special master.

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >