And Were You Harshly Toilet Trained?
Since the Oklahoma City bombing on April 19, Phoenix police have responded to at least 20 false bomb threats. Institutions victimized by bomb hoaxes include the Arizona Republic and the Phoenix Gazette, NewsChannel 3 (the station received mysterious packages thought to be bombs; instead, they contained jellybeans) and the Ritz-Carlton hotel.

The hotel evacuated its guests at about 10 a.m. on April 27, a police spokesman says, and within an hour, the police bomb squad gave the all-clear. Still, hotel management refused to let guests back in the building until 5 p.m., when the bomb was supposed to go off.

The R&G, on the other hand, apparently didn't evacuate. While the R&G might not announce threats internally, employees have been given a "Bomb Threat Check List," just in case they receive an explosive call. The workers are told to ask: "When is the bomb going to explode?" "Where is it right now?" "What does it look like?" "Did you place the bomb? Why?"

Then, for your denser terrorists, there are trick questions: "Where are you? What is your name?"

Federal employees have a similar check list, which asks the recipient to "[e]xplain why caller wishes to kill innocent persons" but warns them: "DO NOT TALK TO OTHERS about incident." The feds have their own coup de grce query, far down the form: "Did you recognize the voice? [Whose voice is it?]" (Emphasis theirs.)

No Gulag for Gosinski
Tom Gosinski--who became the target of an extortion investigation after he blew the whistle on Cindy McCain's pill-popping ("Opiate for the Mrs.," September 1, 1994)--is off the hook.

The Maricopa County Attorney's Office closed a nine-month investigation in January after deciding it probably couldn't get a conviction. Cindy McCain, wife of the Snowy-Haired Senator, sicced County Attorney Rick Romley's troops on Gosinski after Gosinski sued for wrongful termination from Cindy's American Volunteer Medical Team, a humanitarian agency that gave Cindy access to entire hot tubs full of prescription painkillers. (Okay. The Flash admits that the hot-tub statement is an exaggeration. Conjures up an interesting image, though, doesn't it?)

The County Attorney's Office dutifully informed Cindy it was dropping its probe. Of course, prosecutors didn't bother to tell Gosinski. The Flash broke the news to him.

"I don't believe the investigation ever had merit," Gosinski says. "It only is an example of the McCains' abuse of their power and position."

Just wait 'til he's secretary of defense.

Thumb and Thumber
You can't say the legislative session went off without a hitch. Freshman Representative David Farnsworth is so dedicated, he risked life and limb to get to the Capitol on time. When the Snowflake Republican's car broke down in Payson, he hitchhiked.

He says, "I checked the bus line, and it was not coming soon enough. I thought it was important to be down there, and the only way I knew of getting down there was to see if I could get a ride. So, yes, I caught a ride, and the fellow dropped me off in front of the Capitol."

Farnsworth later learned he could have called the Highway Patrol for a lift, but he's pretty proud of his hitch. "Think of all the money I saved the state," he says.

He says House Speaker Mark Killian "told me that I was not to hitchhike anymore, that I was to call the House and they would send someone to pick me up."

That's Killian for you--tax and spend, tax and spend.


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