Somehow, we found out today that former U.S. Senator and one-time awful presidential candidate Fred Thompson tells jokes on Twitter.
"AZ woman ran over husband w/ SUV because he didn't vote for Romney," one of Thompson's alleged jokes says. "Well, on the bright side, Obamacare covers treadmark removal."
Take that, Daniel Solomon, the Gilbert man who may be permanently disfigured after being run over by his wife, who blamed him for President Obama's re-election.
If it weren't for occasionally appearing on television sets to con old people into buying things, we would've assumed Thompson had just given up on trying to entertain people.
However, now that we see he has a Twitter account, we can share with you how genuinely insulting Thompson's jokes are to the world of humor.
Below, find a few examples of Thompson's jokes, just from the past couple of weeks. Feel free to use this information to feel better about your own lame jokes, and make Thompson feel like an asshole.
- PETA wins suit in NC to ban town's New Year's Eve Possum Drop. Event to be replaced by 1st Annual New Year's Eve Possum Cook-Off.
- Trend:removing dog's vocal chords to prevent barking. Why not turn off home security system so alarm doesn't wake you up at night, too
- Pentagon: Iran jets fired on unarmed US Predator drone. Waiting for Obama to blame it on bootleg copy of "Top Gun" posted on YouTube.
- Napolitano floated to replace Holder. She still won't prosecute Black Panthers, but she will run 'em through a naked body scanner.
- Chinese restaurant robbery in FL fails b/c employees didn't speak English. Competitive world. Now even criminals need a good education
- BClinton: b/c of Obama, American military now "less racist, less sexist & less homophobic". Whoops! He forgot "less well-funded".
- City of Aurora, IL removes >300 birds from local home. Turned out most were out-of-work air-testers from closed-down coal mines.
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- In Tampa, Obama's copy of his second term plan accidentally fell off his podium. Huh. Is he SURE it wasn't a suicide attempt?