Hearts, Penises and an Ass

From the Heart

Heartfelt thanks: Thank you for the article you did on Dr. Teodori ("Prince of Hearts, Paul Rubin, September 19). He is a wonderful man and many people have been praying for him since his accident. He saved my niece in July of 2001 by repairing her heart when she was only six days old. She is now 14 months old and doing great. If you didn't know her history, you would never guess that she had a problem. Dr. Teodori was the only surgeon in Arizona who was willing to perform the complex surgery. I just hope he knows how many people care about him and wish him well. He has made a difference in so many people's lives, and we all are praying that he gets better.

Lori Duffy
Via e-mail

Doctor delightful: You really outdid yourself with the beautiful story on Dr. Michael Teodori. My wife read the story first, and she commented that it's the type of article that easily could have been really sappy and overdone. But it wasn't, not at all, though I will admit I started to get misty-eyed more than once as I raced through it. Congratulations!

Rob Braxton

Doctor Feelgood: I just wanted to express my delight with the article written about Dr. Teodori and a few of his heart patients. I'm close friends with Maya's mom and had expected the article. When I read it, it was apparent that the author spent a lot of research time and presented it very well. Of course, we are biased about Dr. Teodori, but the article was done very well. Thanks for printing it.

Sue Cancio

Body Language

Fueling the controversy: I applaud Amy Alkon for her attempt at doing something great for all of us ("Guys With Small Penises," Amy Alkon and Robert Nelson, September 12). Now, shut up.

If I examined every aspect of your life, I'm sure I could uncover some inconsistencies in your environmentally friendly "way of life." I'm sure it wouldn't take long.

Our cars are out there, in our driveways, parking lots, on the road for all to see. We can't hide them -- but you can hide your bad lawn-watering habit, waste of electricity, letting the water run while you wash your hair, ad infinitum.

By the way, placing a card on the motorist's car when he's not there goes to show that you have the smallest genitals of anyone in the whole situation. I'd like to see you place one of your lovely cards on my truck while I'm seated in it! Then we could talk about it, and you could decide for yourself about the size of my manhood (and I don't mean my penis!).

On the flip side, I was considering buying a vehicle that would use less fuel before reading your article. Why? To save me money -- not to appease you and your green legions. If you want to be successful at conversion, you must show people why changing is better for them -- and not you, you self-serving hypocrite.

Here's to hot, greasy, dirty, used motor oil spilled all over your lawn, driveway, house and hair.

Dan Arturi
Northridge, California

Smoke and rearview mirrors: My hat goes off to the New Times and to Amy Alkon for your story on guys with small penises driving SUVs.

The story was hilarious and probably more truthful than the SUV drivers care to admit. It's about time someone got the goat of these "I am the center of the universe -- pig rig" drivers. If you ask me, they have no balls, either. If they did, they would realize that our country's dependence on foreign oil helped bring about 9-11. Yes, they're a real bunch of patriots who whine whenever someone lights up a cigarette, but spew deadly toxins in the air as they idle at the McDonald's drive-through. Anyone who has flown into Phoenix lately can see for themselves the amount of shit in the air. You can escape secondhand cigarette smoke, but you can't escape the "pig rigs."

Tim Ogan

Stud dud: In response to Mr. Nelson's column "Guys with Small Penises," I would like to submit the following response.

Mr. Nelson, when the day comes that your Suburban has blocked the driver's side access to my Toyota because it takes up one and a half parking spaces, I will leave my own calling card on your windshield:

"Dear Breeding Stud,

If you hadn't decided to overpopulate the planet with your average penis and use the resultant resource-sucking brats as a weak excuse to purchase this oversized monster, I wouldn't be crawling in through my @&%$! passenger door!"

Name withheld by request

Sexual politics: I have to take exception to Matt Williams' letter in your September 19 issue, in which he implies Amy Alkon may be an "outspoken lesbo-femme" because of her position on SUVs. As a lesbo-femme whose partner drives a Suburban, I'm deeply insulted by the comparison.

Seriously, if there were some indication that Ms. Alkon was actually interested in improving the environment, I'd have more sympathy for her position. But seeing as she doesn't drive a particularly fuel-efficient car herself, and has chosen a method of enlightenment which is far more likely to tick people off than convince them to change their ways . . . well, you do the math. Not that I blame her; if I could convince someone to pay me to be a professional bitch, I'd be right there.

Barb Cummings

Joe Blow

Suspicious behavior: Having seen and heard about the alleged case of child abuse by Mayor Jon Beydler of Fountain Hills ("Goon Squad," Robert Nelson, September 19), I have come to some pretty grim conclusions.

One, according to published reports, Jon Beydler was found to have not abused his child in any way by a very capable investigator at CPS.

Two, Sheriff Joe Crazy is quoted in the press as stating that the mayor actually did abuse his child, even though very clear and credible published evidence indicates it is an event which is extremely unsubstantiated.

Three, I find it highly suspicious that the press would get wind of an official investigation way before any information is filed with the county attorney.

In other words, Sheriff Bozo Joe is furthering and successfully making a case and adding to his reputation as the chief mental defective and buffoon of Maricopa County.

James Barbee
Via e-mail

Full mental jacket: This is exactly why we have a Second Amendment in the U.S. Constitution. Imagine how horrible it would be if only Sheriff Joke and his goons -- excuse me, I mean "deputies" -- had the guns. Hitler wanted gun control. I bet Joe does, too.

We need to start building a jacket on this man. There should be little trouble; we can use the exact truth. Eventually, we may be able to bring this thug down. I fail to understand why the people of Maricopa County keep reelecting him. Perhaps there is major vote fraud going on to ensure he keeps getting reelected.

The people of Athens, Tennessee, had a similar problem shortly after WWII, and they resolved the situation directly. They had the guns to do it with. And the will to use them. Is that what it will take to resolve the situation in Maricopa County? I hope not.

Marc V. Ridenour
Show Low

Outlaw man: Were it not for the New Times, the general public would never know what a corrupt, egomaniacal and frightening man Sheriff Joe Arpaio truly is. Once again, Robert Nelson came through with a solid piece of reporting in his piece about Sheriff Joe's attack on Fountain Hills Mayor Jon Beydler.

What Beydler did, regarding his daughter, is not something that warranted a visit from Arpaio's "goon squad." Nor did it warrant a call to Child Protective Services. If the source of the report, whether or not it was the gray-haired woman, was truly concerned about this child's welfare, they certainly shouldn't have waited 24 hours to call the CPS hot line. No doubt in my mind that the source conferred with someone (Sheriff Joe, perhaps?) before making the call.

Beydler, however, would be advised to pay closer attention to his kids than his cell phone.

Why does our sheriff get away with these "Gestapo-like" tactics against political enemies? Much of the blame should fall on other media outlets in Phoenix, especially the Arizona Republic and the television stations. They lick his boots and kiss his ring, but they don't have the courage that Nelson and others at the New Times possess. I pray that one day the electorate of Maricopa County will come to their senses and see Sheriff Joe for the bully and blowhard he really is.

Name withheld by request

Sheep to the slaughter: How long will it take for people of Phoenix to realize that the vote is important? Arpaio is just another one of the "McCarthy-isk" leaders of weak minded lemmings and sheep of the Phoenix area who are convinced that gays are evil, that Hispanics are evil, "blah blah blah" are evil, and that anyone that is slightly different is evil.

I feel for Nelson, who seems different in that he is intelligent, successful and somewhat naive as he deals with the paranoia of the Arpaio mentality. Like McCarthy, Arpaio will use fear to herd the lemmings/sheep-like followers to do his bidding and accomplish his self-serving goals.

Will this nightmare ever end?

S. Beym

Victims of the Vote

Dollars and sense: The underlying presumption in this article that abortion is no big deal and gays should be exempt from public scrutiny is, quite simply, your opinion ("Primary Post-Mortem," Spiked, September 19). Everyone has an opinion, and most of the time, the "ka-ching" of taxpayer dollars can be heard somewhere in the distance.

Election day has become just another attempt to protect the after-tax bucks we the people have left. You might want to focus on the message sent by voters, instead of whining about not getting your way.

But that's just my opinion.

Name withheld by request

Priest Problems

Defender of the faith: McKenna, McKenna, McKenna (Letters, September 19). Have ya been smoking too much wacky weed? How can you have come up with so many untruths from the Our Lady of Perpetual Help meeting that Ms. Kennedy spoke in? How could two of us be sitting in the same meeting and hear totally different comments? After reading your letter, I even called a few of my friends in attendance that evening, and they agreed that you have falsified the happenings of that night, doubting even my own ears after your dribble to the editor last week. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. We are not.

The only lies I heard were from Colleary. He didn't know Ms. Kennedy was in the audience and, after his grand poo-pah march down the aisle into the meeting, while he joined the already seated entourage at the altar, he began to tell a tale of "Oh, woe is me" and outright lies about the events. Did you see the look on his face when Ms. Kennedy spoke? He was in shock, his face showing obvious embarrassment. If he could have crawled under the altar cloths and hid, he would have.

McKenna, did you see Colleary proudly showing and giving copies of his imaginary lie detector test to the audience? No one in that meeting, or any other, was shown any evidence that Colleary ever took a lie detector test. I guess you think if a priest says it, you must believe it. How did one obvious lie about one lie detector test grow into a bombastic lie about three lie detector tests taken by Colleary? I don't know about you, but I'm having a lot of trouble keeping up with his flagitious lies. He should keep a file on his whoppers so that he can keep them straight.

You also launched an attack on at least one of Colleary's victims. How many victims do you think there should be before it isn't okay for a sex offender to sexually abuse a child? Your letter inferred that it is okay to molest one child. One sex abuse of a child is one too many for me, law enforcement, the courts and people who abhor child molestation. Maybe you should go back to ambulance chasing.

Joseph Scarpelli

Cop Out

What was he thinking?: Regarding the Chandler police officer who was fired for his involvement in an adult Web site ("Porno Cop," Speakeasy, Robrt L. Pela, September 12), here are a few thoughts that might seem obvious to everyone except officer Ron Dible and his wife, Megan.

Dibles shouldn't dabble in porn. Megan and Ron showed too much when they were "busted" on the Internet. Being public servants, the Dibles shouldn't have shown their pubic parts. A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell, but the Dibles took it to a new level: show and tell. If you want to keep your pubic life from becoming public, then you should keep your privates private.

Ken Mooney

Blow Job

Kids these days: Frat parties with f**king, b**w jobs, lesbians, you name it, being filmed for the world to see. They can't stop it no matter what they try or who they blame ("Porn U," Robert Nelson, September 5). The surface has only been scratched at ASU. I don't think they want to dig any deeper.

Tim Mangus


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