How to Pick the Best -- Stylishly Appropriate -- Gun for Your Arizona College Experience
College students: Lock and load.
A bill allowing guns on the grounds of Arizona's public universities and community colleges is awaiting a signature from Governor Jan Brewer, so if you're a college student hip to Arizona's lunatic gun culture, you might want to gear up with a new piece.
Of course, different college students have different needs, so we've got recommendations on how to pick a gun that's suitable for your educational experience.
Hipsters -- Smith & Wesson Model 629
Nothing says "I'm pursuing my liberal arts degree while listening to bands you've never heard of and making ironic retro pop-culture references" like wearing Dirty Harry's own .44 Magnum on your hip.
You want people to know that you're not only keen to being effortlessly cool, but that you're also well-versed in cinema history -- all while having the ability to blast someone's face off in a moment's notice.
If the .44 becomes too mainstream, hipsters can always opt for the guitar-case gun ala Desperado.
Freshman Girls -- TEC-9
Want to keep all those greasy frat guys who've been in college for the last decade at a safe distance? The TEC-9 is for you, ladies.
Make sure you get a magazine that can hold a lot of bullets, and we'll see who's getting roofied now.
The TEC-9 is small enough to fit in a decent-sized purse, and can shoot Sigmas off a frat sweater at 50 meters.
Campus Street Preachers -- Desert Eagle
They're not really students per se, but since they're harassing people about the end of the world in the middle of campus every single day, they might as well carry a gun.
"He said to them, 'But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'" That's Luke 22:36, and that's Jesus sayin' you need a .50-caliber handgun.
Since the Desert Eagle originally is an Israeli brand, some would argue it's the holiest gun you can get.
In-State Students -- Colt single-action Army revolver
This is an easy one -- your tuition is a fraction of that of the rest of the student body, so you need to represent your state by brandishing its newly designated state gun.
It's a way of showing state spirit and letting all those hippies know that you want to see President Barack Obama's birth certificate.
Constantly Drunk -- Gun full of tequila
The folks stumbling around campus wasted at noon on a Tuesday probably don't need a real gun.
This bottle, however, is shaped like a gun and is full of tequila -- and with all the stupid jokes you can make about taking "shots," it'll be a drunken blast.