Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, by his own assessment, is a pretty tech-savvy guy.
How could a guy who boasts about not knowing how to use a computer be such a technological whiz? Well, you see, Arpaio says he's "high-tech" because he was the first person who concocted the brilliant plan to paint the address of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office's website on the agency's patrol cars.
Arpaio received a few ass-smooches last week when he appeared on the conservative radio show "Hair on Fire" with host Barbara Espinosa, and co-host/long-time Joe Arpaio butt-kisser Randy Pullen.
Arpaio's appearance was in response to his opponent in next year's GOP primary for sheriff, Scottsdale Lieutenant Mike Stauffer, who appeared on the show two weeks earlier and criticized Arpaio's brand of "reality show" sheriffin'.
Stauffer criticized the MCSO for being out-of-date in terms of technology. He's vowed to update the agency's technology -- which he says will lead to quicker response times and streamlined communication with other agencies.
Arpaio's response to Stauffer's criticism: "I'm the first one who put 'www.MCSO.org' on all our patrol cars. We have high-tech!"
Unfortunately, www.MCSO.org can't be accessed via-typewriter -- and call us crazy, but we'd prefer to have a sheriff who knows how to access his agency's website on one of those fancy-schmancy Google machines, not just paint the address on a few cop cars.
Arpaio's tech-savvy is apparently an international phenomenon, too.
"We're highly technical and known around the world," Arpaio continues. "The whole world knows about the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office, and I don't wanna brag, they sure know who this sheriff is around the world."
Before he explained how painting a web address on cop cars made him the international beacon of technological law enforcement, Arpaio discussed how seriously he's taking his challenger.
"I don't even wanna talk about that guy. What is he, some cop in Scottsdale? What does he know what we operate except what he reads in the New Times? It seems to be his campaign newspaper," Arpaio grumbled.
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The sheriff is likely referring to an online town hall we hosted for Stauffer a few weeks ago. Stauffer answered questions posed by readers in (almost) real time for nearly 24 hours. Check it out here.
Arpaio may have forgotten that he was extended an invitation to participate. He declined.
When asked if he'd be willing to submit to questions from constituents, a spokesman for America's self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" told New Times, "I think you know the answer to that question."
We would have emailed Arpaio directly, but again, he doesn't know how to use a computer.