Joe Arpaio's Disgusting Arm Sling Actually Purchased by Human Being
Sheriff Joe Arpaio, appearing at least 90 percent dead in this photo with wife Ava.
An actual person has agreed to pay thousands of real, American dollars for Sheriff Joe Arpaio's (likely) smelly and dead-skin-encrusted arm sling.
The buyer, retired California cop Buck Dikes, won the eBay auction with a $2,600 bid.
This is one of those reminders that evolution isn't the fastest process out there in nature, as we can think of millions of better things to give thousands of dollars to a guy whose office "misspent" $100 million over eight years. In return, you get a medical device that's been rubbing off the dead skin and soaking up the juices that have dripped from Arpaio's armpits and the under-areas of his man-boobs.
According to MCSO, Dikes "has indicated that he would like to accept an invitation to visit Arizona and receive the autographed sling and photos from Sheriff Arpaio in person."
The Sheriff's Office says the cash will be spent on a "doggie treadmill," horse harnesses, and other supplies for Arpaio's animal shelter.
Arpaio also says the President of the United States is from Kenya, so believe what you wish.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Phoenix New Times' biggest stories.