Just about every week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert's own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we'll take care of the rest.
Do you ever see a guy with a terrible face tattoo, and you just say to yourself, "Yep, we're doomed"? That's just one sign of the apocalypse -- which was totally supposed to be today -- that is represented by this week's featured Fourth Avenue visitors.
Charges: Marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
There are very few things that can cause this face.
- Walking into his daughter's room and finding her in the sack with a guy
- Surprisingly effective marijuana
- Surprise diarrhea
That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Charges: DUI, driving on a suspended license
At what point does the jail staff just say, "F%!k it, we'll get 'er while she's sleeping?" The answer to that question is this point.
Charge: Assault -- intentionally or knowingly causing physical injury
Times are different, man. Someone allegedly took an ass-kicking from a 5-foot-zero-inch 24-year-old (actual stats) with a chest tat. We'd like to think it was a guy, too. First date, even.
Charge: Disorderly conduct -- fighting
"Yeah girl, Aries. See those bitchin' ram horns? Hell yes I get that horoscope shit sent straight to my e-mail inbox ON THE DAILY. What? Gemini? Naw girl, that shit ain't gonna work out. Our planets ain't alignin' and shit."
"I have no idea what's in my mouth, but damn, it's delicious." Not apocalypse-related.
Charges: Probation violation, driving on a suspended license
Abusive, alcoholic parents have undoubtedly beat their children for producing artwork way less shitty than this.
Charges: Shoplifting, failure to appear
Peoria? Peoria? There's only one possible way this could be outdone, and that would be a neck tattoo that says "SUN CITY MOTHAF*%#A"
Charges: Consuming liquor in public, failure to appear?
Can't grow a beard? Just get "Briana" tatted down your jawline. Totally normal. Tooooootally normal.
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Charges: Criminal trespassing, disorderly conduct
WOAH SHIT WOAH WOAH SHIT SHIT WOAH SHIT. SHIT. WOAH. WHAT? WHAT DUDE? HOLY SH... WHAT!?
Oh. Bless you.