Every week we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert's own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we'll take care of the rest.
This week, all but one of our Fourth Avenue visitors are perfect candidates for a crappy reality-TV show explaining how not to get tattoos and haircuts. Like, never do anything you're about to see here, except give us the phone number for the last one if you have it. Enjoy.
Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, possession of a weapon by a prohibited person, possession or use of a weapon in a drug offense, presecription-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Here's a case of someone walking into the barber shop, and telling the barber he wants a mullet, but he also wants a racing stripe on his head. You know, he's here to party, but he'd also like to create the illusion of going fast. This gentleman also learned a valuable lesson with this combination: if you're blonde, and don't use enough red hair-dye, you're going to have a pink mullet-stripe on your head.
Charges: Failure to pay a fine or fees
Here's a guy who doesn't have a choice but to support the Diamondbacks during their recent stretch of mediocrity. Luis Gonzalez ought to be proud.
Charges: Probation violation, marijuana possession
Looks like someone's got a crush on "Kierstyn." Hm? Hmmm? Seriously, "Kierstyn" better be a 10/10 if you're going to plaster her name on your neck with blue stars and pink fireworks.
Charge: Probation violation
Now, look at this aspiring thespian. Maybe if mom would've pushed him a little harder, he'd be at the Julliard School right now. Then again, this guy just got out of prison less than a year ago on a burglary charge, so maybe not. And why is there a plant behind this mask? Feng shui? You're getting too artsy for us, man.
Imagine you're sitting at a bus stop, looking down on your cell phone, when this gentleman taps you on the shoulder and asks for the time. The only reasonable response would be, "HOLY F%$*ING S&*%!" as you run away screaming and tripping over yourself.
Charge: Theft, possession of drug paraphernalia
We'll assume that this is what a mohawk looks like for the 6.9 days a week that this guy isn't at a punk-rock show. Either that, or he's trying to hide his unicorn horn. That would be awesome.
Charges: Armed robbery, theft, criminal trespassing, failure to appear
Report card: "D" in criminal justice, "A+" in geometry.
Here's the thing, man -- no matter how long you grow the hair on the sides of your head, it's never coming back on top. Ever. It's time, man. Let it go.
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SHOW ME HOW
Oh, hello. Hi there. Is, uh, is this alleged "assault" on YouTube somewhere? I'm sure you didn't even do anything, it's just, you know, a friend wanted to know. I wouldn't even say he's a "friend," he's just some guy I know; he's just curious. Oh, OK, I was just checking. So, you on MySpace?