Can someone cue Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy," please?

McCain Suicide Watch

The John McCain ass-kissing began in earnest shortly after the polls closed Tuesday, with even the Repugnant's saintly Dan Nowicki joining in on the pucker-fest by offering multiple posts on how the Manchurian Candidate will be the salvation of the Republicans in '08. (Dan quotes others to his editorial ends, but his aim is clear.) True, the former Hanoi Hilton res could, in theory, snag the '08 GOP nomination if he keeps on blowing the uber-right wing of his own party, and can avoid his nasty penchant for public melt-downs and temper tantrums. But we all know the real reason why he'll never snag the brass ring in the pachyderm's tusk: McCain'll be offing himself any day now. No idea if it'll be Hitler-style with a bullet in the brain, or a la Jonestown with cyanide-laced Kool-Aid. But it was McCain himself who declared back in October that "I think I'd just commit suicide," if the Dems took the Senate. Now that the Dems have done just that, it's time that McCain, being a pol of his word, do us all a favor and shuffle off this mortal coil. That way we don't have to watch his holier-than-thou, melanoma-scarred mug nonstop on TV until Barack Obama finally kicks his butt in the '08 general election.

Feel like helping the senior Senator from AZ pull his own plug? Encourage him by buying the above bumper sticker or T-shirt from (You can even purchase the image of a straight-jacketed McCain on thong underwear for those more intimate political moments.) With enough of these puppies in circulation, McCain will be jumping off the Luhrs Tower in no time.

Uh, now he is...


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