A Mesa man was arrested yesterday for allegedly masturbating in his car, which was parked across the street from an elementary school in Chandler.
According to court documents obtained by New Times, 52-year-old Jamey Mark Flatt was beatin' off in his car as it sat parked across the street from Knox Elementary School just as school began yesterday morning.
Cops caught wind of Flatt's mono-fornication when a parent of a student at the school was walking by after dropping off her daughter.
The mother called police but Flatt had left the scene.
The mother told police she's certain Flatt's penis was exposed as he masturbated in the car and children were visible across the street at the school.
Cops caught up with Flatt at Espee Park in Chandler -- about a mile away from the scene of the alleged whacking -- shortly after he left the school.
The mother who called police was taken to the park and identified him as the man she saw having his way with himself across from the school.
Police got a warrant to search Flatt's car, where they found some crack, a crack pipe, and a blue rag Flatt later told police was covered in semen.
When interviewed by police, Flatt told officers the crack was his and he'd smoked some about an hour before he was arrested.
As for beatin' off in his car, Flatt claims he was driving around when he noticed his shorts and underwear were on backwards. Flatt says his clothes were on backwards for about two hours before he pulled over near the school to fix them.
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SHOW ME HOW
That, it just so happens, was the exact moment the witness walked by his car.
You might be wondering why someone who wasn't masturbating in his car had a rag covered in semen in his possession when he was arrested...while in his car. He brought it from home, duh.
Flatt claims the rag got semen on it when he was masturbating at home -- not in the car.
Flatt was booked on one count of drug possession, one count of possession of drug paraphernalia, one count of indecent exposure, and one count of public sexual indecency.