Sure, John McCain Is Filthy Rich, but He Still Wants Your $25

Sure, John McCain Is Filthy Rich, but He Still Wants Your $25

U.S. Senator John McCain says in a new fundraising pitch that he hasn't decided whether to run for a sixth term in the upper chamber of Congress.

But he has decided that he wants whatever you got in your wallet, pally.

Twenty-five simoleons? Why, that'll do nicely.

I mean, it's not like you need that dough for a haircut or to put gas in the car or buy food for the bambino.

That's not Aqualung, it's John McCain, and he wants you to put your spare change in that dirty sock of his.
That's not Aqualung, it's John McCain, and he wants you to put your spare change in that dirty sock of his.
Original image, Lestat

Nah, priorities are priorities. McCain may run again in 2016, the same year he turns 80, and time's a-wastin'.

"Just hours remain until the end of the quarter, and I need to know you stand with me," states McCain in the e-mail.

In other words, there's a chump born every minute. So fork it over, bub, the senator ain't got all day.

"Please confirm your support by making a financial contribution of $25 or more right now," McCain pleads.

Last year, Roll Call rated McCain the 27th richest member of Congress, with a net worth of a little over $15 million.

 

Sure, John McCain Is Filthy Rich, but He Still Wants Your $25
Hurry up, suckers . . .The end of the quarter is upon us!
Hurry up, suckers . . .The end of the quarter is upon us!

And that's not to mention his wife, Cindy Hensley McCain, who as chair of beer-distributing behemoth Hensley & Co., has an estimated net worth of more than $100 million.

Did you say something about self-financing?

Um, you must be smokin' the good ganja, Buddy Roe.

In 2010, McCain spent more than $20 million to beat hapless ex-Congressman J.D. Hayworth in the GOP primary.

Now McCain could be facing the pride of Lake Havasu City, Republican state Senator "Chemtrail Kelli" Ward, another wingnut McCain likely will have to spend millions to wallop. (Note: Chemtrail Kelli, like McCain, has yet to commit.)

No worries. McCain's got gobs of mega-rich pals willing to drop thousands of bucks a pop at a re-election effort.

And there are special interests aplenty who'll unload their moneybags on the geezer Senator in 2016.

But it means so much more when the stupid, er, little people dig deep for a guy who could buy and sell 'em on the open market.

Whaddya say, brother, can you spare $25 for a stinky-rich pol?

You know you want to.

Got a tip for The Bastard? Send it to: Stephen Lemons.

Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX. Follow Stephen Lemons on Twitter at @StephenLemons.


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