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The Bird poops on a crowd of 9/11 deniers and reports on the latest symbolic protest of Joe Arpaio

Mike Gorman

CRACKPOT KAREN

Like Larry King or the species of common cockroach, the 9/11 "troof" crowd will never completely croak.

Just when you think these cretinous mental cousins of Holocaust deniers have been obliterated by intellectual neutron bombs debunking their moon-howling inanities — like last year's two-hour documentary 9/11 Conspiracies: Fact or Fiction from the History Channel, or the 2006 Popular Mechanics book Debunking 9/11 Myths — the troofers re-emerge, clinging to such tinfoil-hat notions as: There was no plane at the Pentagon (they claim it was a missile), there were no bodies from Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania (despite coroner's statements to the contrary), and the Twin Towers and World Trade Center Seven fell in controlled demolitions.

So what if the troofers have no proof to back up their crackpot contentions? They make it up, pretend it exists when it doesn't, or just outright lie. What do they get out of strapping themselves into their straitjackets? The creepy, cult-like assurance that they are 100 percent right and the world is 100 percent wrong.

Enter Republiloon Karen Johnson, state senator from Mesa, who, to cadge a phrase from the Bird's debunking pal Pat Curley of the blog Screw Loose Change, went full woo last month with two error-riddled op-eds — one in the Arizona Republic, the other in the East Valley Tribune. This crazy old bag, who's retiring from the Arizona Senate this year to let anti-Hispanic a-hole Russell Pearce run for her seat, barfed forth more whoppers in those two pieces than a bulimic at Burger King.

In her "My Turn" column in the May 3 Republic, Johnson stated, "A Zogby poll reported that 51 percent of Americans want Congress to investigate further." Johnson was referring to a 2007 poll commissioned by the troofer site 911truth.org. What Johnson doesn't tell you is that, to the conspiratards' chagrin, the poll found that nearly 64 percent of respondents believed the official story of what happened on 9/11.

A mere 4.6 percent swallowed the bullhockey that the government "Made It Happen on Purpose"; i.e., that "certain U.S. government elements actively planned or assisted some aspects of the attacks." This theory, known as MIHOP, is the primary credo for all true-blue troofers. In the 2007 troofer poll, MIHOP lost out to "not sure," which pulled 5.4 percent.

In another example of blatant truth-twisting, Johnson observed inaccurately in her unchallenged Republic rant, "Tests corroborate the presence of thermite, an explosive used in building demolitions, at the site of the Twin Towers and [World Trade Center] Building 7."

Thermite's actually an incendiary compound, not an explosive, but, hey, who needs facts when you're jawboning about 9/11? The "tests" Johnson refers to were done by former physics professor Steven Jones, who, like her, is a complete wack-job. Jones' tests were done on dubiously collected dust samples, making the results irrelevant to all but his fellow troofers.

The bogus theory that thermite was used to bring down the Twin Towers and the nearby World Trade Center 7, which also collapsed on 9/11, is made mincemeat of by the National Institutes of Standards and Technology, the federal agency that issued a massive report on the collapse of WTC Buildings One and Two. "Many thousands of pounds of thermite would need to have been placed inconspicuously ahead of time, remotely ignited, and somehow held in direct contact with the surface of hundreds of massive structural components" to weaken one of the buildings, NIST points out,

"This makes [thermite] an unlikely substance for achieving a controlled demolition," NIST concludes.

There's never been any evidence of thermite or collapse-inducing explosives at WTC ground zero. Nor has anybody ever located any of the ignition devices that would've been necessary to set off the thermite. Johnson and her fellow kooks have nothing but their own tired, twisted fantasies to prop up these lunatic arguments.

Another sick delusion involves the collapse of WTC 7, a lodestone for 9/11 nutbars. In Johnson's Republic piece, she stated, "The building collapsed suddenly, straight down, at nearly freefall speed."

There was nothing sudden about the collapse of WTC 7. The building had been burning nonstop all day long and had been severely damaged that a.m. by tons of falling debris from the North Tower. By the end of the day, the Fire Department of New York was keeping people away from the building because they knew it was going to collapse.

Does Johnson actually believe that the firemen, the heroes of 9/11, were in on the conspiracy to flatten WTC 7? If so, The Bird would like to hang a placard announcing that contention around Karen's neck and run her through the streets of Manhattan to see how long it would take before she's tarred and feathered.

WTC 7 didn't come down at "nearly freefall speed." Troofers say it took about 6.6 seconds. But they begin their count 10 seconds too late. Actual collapse time: closer to 16 seconds. Don't believe this bilious blue jay? Check out the online documentaries of Truth Be Told Productions on YouTube.

 

See how easy it is for some moonbat like Johnson to spew one-line lies that take a few paragraphs apiece to debunk? And the Bird's talons have only scratched the surface here. Not that anything this feathered fiend could say would convince Johnson or other conspiracy-minded true believers.

HUNGER ARTIST

These freaks need to believe 9/11 was an inside job by George W. Bush & Co., that the collapse of Buildings One, Two, and Seven were controlled demos. Building Seven was supposedly the linchpin of the conspiracy because there were so many super-secret docs in there that needed to be obliterated.

Seems like it would've been a whole lot easier just to send in 24's Jack Bauer to get the job done, rather than offing a whole skyscraper like WTC 7. Maybe Jack was busy that week, kickin' terrorist ass. And the Fantastic Four and Batman were on vacay. So that left it to New York firefighters to destroy the structure, right? Hey, don't look at this beak-bearer. This is what the conspiracy dillweeds are spouting.

For Mesa Community College religious studies teacher Blair Gadsby, Building Seven is what it's all about, the undeniable proof — in his mind — that the official story about what occurred on 9/11 is pure bunkum.

"Building Seven is the clincher," the pedagogue related to The Bird recently. "Anybody with the least bit of awareness, who's watched a building fall in Vegas, or wherever they can go watch [them] demolish one, it's clear and obvious."

Clear and obvious that the building's collapse was caused by a controlled demo, he meant to say. Pardon Gadsby if he sounds even spacier than the average community college don. Since Memorial Day, he's laid off the victuals in a hunger strike aimed at convincing U.S. Senator John McCain that he should grant Gadsby and his fellow fruitcakes a two-hour audience aimed at showing the presumptive GOP presidential nominee the error of his ways regarding 9/11.

See, McCain authored the foreword to Popular Mechanics' book-length rebuttal to the troofer crowd, Debunking 9/11 Myths. And that's tantamount to heresy in Gadsby's religion, the Most Holy Church of 9/11 Conspiracy Kookiness. So Gadsby's parked himself outside McCain's offices on north 16th Street in Phoenix, where he's been starving himself, losing a total of 11 pounds by the day this portly penguin paid a visit.

"When the average person sees the buildings come down, they know in their gut this is a controlled demolition," the hollow-cheeked hunger artist asserted. "That's why the images were deleted from the media immediately."

Um, what images, wondered this warbler?

"On September 12, 2001, I taped a Discovery Channel documentary," Gadsby told this tweeter at one point. "It was doing a retrospective of what had happened the previous day. And they got to 5:20 p.m. [and] all they showed was the dust cloud [from the collapse]. They didn't show the image of the building coming down. For obvious reasons."

Not obvious to everyone. The Bird doesn't know about this particular doc, but there's footage out the proverbial wazoo of Building Seven going down, including on the History Channel's 9/11 Conspiracies: Fact or Fiction documentary, which you can watch piecemeal on YouTube if you've never seen it before.

To be fair, the Canadian-born Gadsby was hardly the Fruit Loop-iest dood out there when The Bird flew by. Nearly 20 of Gadsby's fellow 9/11 dingbats were in attendance on a recent Sunday, though there's not much more than Gadsby himself during the week. Karen Johnson's been by, but wasn't on hand when The Bird appeared. However, Kent "Cow-Killer" Knudson was present. Knudson's well known for organizing last year's disastrous 9/11 conference in Chandler, which featured assistance from Holocaust denier Eric D. Williams, the presence of whom split the conference and kept some big names in the 9/11-denial movement far away from Chandler.

Knudson's pretty easy to mess with. Just mention his felony conviction for killing a poor, defenseless cow in Snowflake, and he starts to jabber incoherently. A young, excitable guy named Charlie Fox compared himself to Sophie Scholl of the White Rose movement that resisted the Nazis from within Germany. Sorry, Charlie. You ain't no Sophie Scholl. She was a heroine who gave her life to fight tyranny. You're just a schmuck stroking himself, believing his own bull.

Others there wondered if Screw Loose Change's Pat Curley was a Freemason or if The Bird was a Freemason. Of course not. Everyone knows Curley and The Bird are instead card-carrying members of the Illuminati! Some 60-year-old pathetic pony-tailed pinhead who declined to give his name blathered on about how D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey didn't commit suicide and how John F. Kennedy Jr. was likely murdered, instead of dying in that plane piloted by himself. Someone else held up leather-lunged crybaby and radio wildman Alex Jones as the media's voice of reason.

 

The air was so thick with insanity that you couldn't cut it with a chainsaw. And local troofers like Gadsby wonder why McCain wants to keep them as far away as possible? Sheesh.

NORBERG'S GHOST

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the self-described "toughest sheriff in America" looked as though he'd just seen the ghost of Christmas past, or come face-to-face with his long-lost conscience.

The wily, wiry activist before him had asked Arpaio to make out the inscription on his copy of Joe's latest tome, Joe's Law, to "Scott." Then the activist, with his small video camera pointed at Nickel Bag Joe, uttered the surname, "Norberg."

Arpaio looked up at the camera and stopped writing.

"That sound familiar? You remember him?" asked Joe's unseen interlocutor. "He's a guy who died in your jail, remember him? He was killed by one of your officers."

"Really?" mumbled Joe, as a distinct uneasiness — fear even — flashed across his face.

"Yeah, he had a towel stuffed in his mouth, and he was beaten and Tasered," continued the young man. Joe soon gained composure, and ordered one of his MCSO bodyguards to "get this guy out of here."

Eerily, it was almost 12 years to the day since Scott Norberg lost his life in one of the MCSO's infamous, medieval restraint chairs. Norberg's parents weren't without means, and they retained the services of ball-busting barrister Mike Manning. They sued the sheriff. The MCSO was caught allegedly destroying evidence and ultimately had to settle for $8.25 million.

Reading about how Norberg was murdered by MCSO officers will give you a spine chill that won't easily subside. Watching the short video by pro-immigrant activist Dennis Gilman that was recently posted to the blog of this heron's online bro Feathered Bastard will elicit outrage and sad disgust.

The book-signing incident took place at the Barnes and Noble in Goodyear on a recent Saturday afternoon. Placard-wielding protesters were warned by Goodyear cops to stay out on the street, away from the bookstore's parking lot. But some went into the bookstore solo. One got this video for Gilman to edit. The unsettling mini-soundtrack, that Tibetan chanting you hear, is supposedly of His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

The Bird arrived shortly after this incident and heard about it afterward. Seated next to Arpaio, as mostly old white people and rednecks approached our county's chief constable to buy his book and shake his hand, this truculent tallywacker asked the top cop if he had trouble sleeping at night because of the trail of blood he's left through his gulags. He shook his head no. Later, he explained with a shrug that people die in the jails and that there's not much he can do about it.

Activists are correct to protest Joe in this fashion. Martin Luther King Jr. would have been proud. What's needed is more civil disobedience! Even if Joe sleeps well at night, the rest of us shouldn't. Not, at least, until he's been voted out of office or, perhaps, occupies one of the very same cells where his victims breathed their last.


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