The Top 10 Sick Burns About Arizona

Arizona gets a lot of hate from people who don't live here, but let's face it — every state deserves a good roasting.

So on subjects like the roasting Valley of the Sun heat, the cities of Sedona and Flagstaff, and Arizona as a whole, we present the top 10 sick burns about our lovely state:

10. Arnold Schwarzenegger

"I was also going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend. But with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me."

9. Jeff Foxworthy

"Phoenix in July. Apparently, the people that book these things don't get the Weather Channel."

8. Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan in "30 Rock"

"It's like a black barbie doll in Arizona - nobody's buying it!"

7. Poet Buddy Wakefield

"Listen, if you're from Arizona, I'm not making fun of your home. I'm making fun of you for gathering there and building a community in an oven. Smooth move."

The Top 10 Sick Burns About ArizonaEXPAND
buddywakefield.com

6. Jon Stewart

"Arizona, I’m going to say something to you with all due respect: You are lucky you are warm, because if you had your attitude in Seattle’s weather you would be the world’s largest used condom and nuclear waste dump."

 
5. Jeff Dunham as "Walter"

"August in Phoenix, Arizona. Your agent is a moron. It was 112 three days in a row! But what do all the locals say? 'But it's a dry heat!' Screw you! A bonfire is a dry heat. You don't see any stick up my ass in one of those, do you?"

4. Penn Jillette

"Sedona, Arizona: Home of beautiful red rock ass canyons, scenic desert landscapes ... and every crystal-sucking, vortex-fucking asshole out to make a few bucks off of New Age hippie bullshit!"

3. Jon Stewart, again

"It turns out, Arizona is the meth lab of democracy."

2. Hunter S. Thompson

"If there is in fact, a heaven and a hell, all we know for sure is that hell will be a viciously overcrowded version of Phoenix — a clean, well-lighted place full of sunshine and bromides and fast cars where almost everybody seems vaguely happy, except those who know in their hearts what is missing ... And being driven slowly and quietly into the kind of terminal craziness that comes with finally understanding that the one thing you want is not there. Missing. Back-ordered. No tengo. Vaya con dios. Grow up! Small is better. Take what you can get...”

1. Peggy Hill, from "King of the Hill"

Bobby: "111 degrees? Phoenix can't really be that hot, can it? Oh my god, it's like standing on the sun!" 

Peggy: "This city should not exist — it is a monument to man's arrogance."

The Top 10 Sick Burns About Arizona

Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >